It's Going To Be Okay
(Photo Credits: Photo Pin)
I don’t feel much like writing today.
My friend’s husband is deploying tomorrow and while I want to be supportive, I want to cry for her. I want her to quit worrying about stupid things and try to cram an entire year into the next 24 hours. But I know that he is already “gone”, mentally checked out of the family and just waiting for the clock to tick away to the moment he crosses the threshold for the last time before he “goes.”
I don’t want to scare her, or make her stressed by saying I’m worried for her and about her. But I want her to know that I love her and want to wrap my arms around her and make it all go away. She’s much younger than me, and I feel as if I was offered a chance to bear this burden FOR her, I would take it. It’s too much for so many of us. I don’t want her to hurt, or feel this way.
I know how she feels right this very second and for every second in the next 12 months. I know tomorrow, when she goes to bed, she will do so alone. And, on her husband’s pillow she will cry the kind of cry that will exhaust her for days. She won’t let her children hear or see her, and she will feel empty all the way to her toes.
I wish I could teleport there and hold her hand. But, I know that she’ll want to be alone and the last person she will want to see is someone telling her it will be okay. Because right now, it is NOT ok. It’s heartbreaking, and lonely, and desperate, and frightening. And, I know she wants to be angry. Angry at him for leaving, angry at the military for taking him away again and angry at everyone because it was her and not them. She’ll feel guilty for feeling that way and I want to tell her that I understand. She’ll hate every Facebook post that talks about a husband, and every Tweet that says something sweet about a couple, and she will adopt the Anti-Valentine mentality for a while. She’ll hate sappy commercials and trade in Lifetime for SyFy in a desperate attempt to keep the demons at bay for just a few minutes longer.
Sign up for the Military Spouse weekly email, and never miss out on our most popular topics.
How Do YOU Survive Deployment?
Kids with the stomach flu, car with a flat tire, and no groceries in the house? Must mean your spouse is deployed! We caught up with a deployment pro, Dolores Killeen, while her husband gears up fo...
Get Happy at Home - Tips for Reintegration
(Photo credits by: Photo Pin)After almost 10 years of marriage and eight deployments, sometimes it seems like it’s harder to live with my soldier than without him. Reintegration is always tough. Th...
Dear Sally, My Husband is Struggling and I Want to Help
Dear Sally, I am concerned about my husband. He has deployed several times, but has never seen combat. I thought things were fine after the last deployment, but over the last few months he seems t...
A: Dear Sally, My friend dumped me because my husband was promoted and hers was not, how do I deal with this? -- Rank Ruined Friendship Dear Rank... Read more.
A: My husband comes home from his first deployment soon. We have only been married a little over a year and he has been deployed most of that time.... Read more.
A: My husband is deployed and they are scheduled to be coming home soon. I keep seeing other spouses in the unit posting stuff like dates and locatio... Read more.
A: I know lots of people who hate base housing, but I really like living on base. Well, I did until my new neighbors moved in... they are driving me... Read more.
A: At what point should we let our kids have a say in whether or not we accompany their dad on his next PCS? Our children, ages 15 and 17, have really... Read more.