Hmmmm sex upon returning from deployment...
I read this on my iPhone yesterday but it will not lest me post from there... so anyhoo..
I got to be honest I lost my sex drive there a bit after my little one.. and it is hard to get back. Really we've been doing it over the last four years, but not like rabbits. Honestly sometimes I would just do it even if I wasn't in the mood, because he is my husband and I love him. I didn't want to shut him off from it and then get mad if he was looking at porn or his interest went to other places lol so I would play along...
But of recent I kind of found a way that gets me into it and then it gets me looking forward to next time. I plan it! I know some people say sex shouldn't be planned, but most of the time those are single couples (with out kids) that have the luxury of not having their 4 year old hop out of bed and look down the star case and catch Mom and Dad on the sofa. LMAO.
So what if it is planned your hubby is still getting some and because you planned it, it is a little more effort-filled lol and you have had the time to ammp yourself up for this evening.
Example: My husband came home one weekend and I decided to plan out this whole evening of "us" time.. one of my FAVORITE things to do... is get pretty!! So we all spent the day together and then when it was getting late I asked my husband to do the bed time routine with our son. While he was doing that I was getting all dolled up in his class A shirt, matching hooker boots, sexy bra and matching thong,hair curled, make-up done, and to finish it off a little sparkle dust to top off the whole look... and girl.. straight up.. I was ready for a photo shoot lmao.. and what I really mean is I felt the part. It was awesome, we had a great night and the way it made me feel, the next day the feeling rolled over and I didn't need to get all dolled up for it.
This works for me.. from sex twice a month to twice a week and I enjoy thinking of new outfits and ideas for next time that gets my mental mojo flowing and ready for next time.. I am not sure if this will work for you, but maybe you need to find something that gets you motivated and in the mood. Your husband has been away for a long time and what a amazing blessing that he is focusing his desires on you. We have seen all too many times on this site and through our friends of husbands who loose interest and are looking to move on... try and find something that you can control to get you going so you both can enjoy this time together and make it special for not just one of you, but both
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I understand the whole nursing thing and no sex drive. I nursed two for over a year and one until 10 months.. I dont know, maybe its the breastpads on the breast and the milk leaking that just so doesn't get me in the mood to be messed with haha..I promise, once you stop nursing,..and your hormones return to normal..you'll find your sex drive higher then its been before. Being a mom is tough..it wears you out. Maybe you guys need a night out alone!
Dont worry hun, it will come natural. Talk to him, compromise, some sex talk some real talk. If it makes you feel better when my husband was returning I didnt even want to pick him up from the airport on R&R becasue I was so nervous.
Ok, so we're now counting a single digit of weeks till my husband is home and I'm worried about... yeah... sex.
Normally at this point in time of his deployment I am very much looking forward to that first night home (as long as he doesn't fall asleep... again). However, I usually can't wait to restart that part of our marriage.
However, during this deployment I had our 3rd baby. So, now I'm not so much looking forward to sex. My husband has started his typical "I'll be home soon let's talk dirty on the phone" type behavior and I want no part in it.
Is it because I'm changing diapers all day, beyond tired, breast feeding... and this is basically typical for having just had a baby? I'm worried this is going to affect things when he comes home. I love my husband... but at this point when he comes home I just want to sleep. Advice?
Thanks ladies! I'm hoping that everything will resume to "business as usual" (as my husband puts it) without any issues.
Diana and Chelle I love how you two very tastefully put your sugestions. Thank you to all of the ladies for your advice. I'm definately going to try and "plan" some nights for us! Funny thing is that when he was deployed in 2008 I bought a really really sexy lingerie outfit from Victoria Secrets for his homecoming. Except that he got online on our bank account before he came home and saw the $85 purchase and called me up asking me what it was and why I spend so much money there while he's gone etc. So, I got mad at him for it and never wore it. Well then at Disney World during his post deployment block leave I got present and all of a sudden I wasn't wearing lingerie at all. I had forgotton that I own that and have never worn it until Diana brought up the outfit idea. I do love my husband and I realize that having a healthy sex life is crucial to a happy marriage so I guess I'll have to put out my best effort... or just put out lol. I'll have to start plotting some ideas. Thanks again ladies... and no offense if I don't share how it all goes lol.
Your drive will come back - but long term, most people don't have the same levels all the time. I agree with Diana's sentiments - sometimes we do it because we love them - not because we're into it. You can become pretty adept at finding um...other ways ...to help him get there - and it can be loving and sweet for you if you don't have the need to...get there...as often as he does - So maybe you can bridge the desire gap with a plan like that - and you'll both be happy...and nature will take it's course in it's own sweet time.
I wasn't nervous until he actually got home after baby number 3, but YES nerves are normal. Plus, like you said, you are changing diapers and nursing all day. It's hard to get into the mood when you're in mommy mode all the time. In the end, for my DH and I, nature kicked in and after the first time things were much less awkward feeling. Let him know what's up and Good Luck.
When my dh came home from a year deployment we had to get reacquainted again. It was a little awkward at first but then we were back to our normal selves.
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