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Reconnecting after deployment


i cant tell you how i deal with it because my hubby and i havent had that problem. but i can tell you it is common for husbands to become distant during and after a deployment. my best friend married in to the army and her and her hubby have to work hard on communication because he becomes REALLY distant during each deployment, it causes arguments when hes home and he's still distant. but she refuses to give up, she tells him shes only arguing because she loves him, and so thats my advice just dont give up have pacients. it will take time but as long as you care then and love him then it will work out. im sorry that its wasnt much but its all i got to tell you.

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My husband has been back from his 3rd deployment for a year now and will be going back in another 6 months.  His last deployment to Iraq was the first one we've had since being together and I wasn't prepared for the changes he'd undergone.  I think he has a touch of PTSD but won't get help for it because he's afraid it will effect his career, I've suggested counseling but we haven't been able to go yet.  It seems like he's sloooowly getting back to himself but I'm so afraid that this next deployment is going to set us back further.  It's really effected our ability to communicate without things escalating to an ugly place.  I'd love to hear other peoples experiences with their spouses returning from deployment and how you best dealt with it. 

After Korea, my husband was really down and distant; almost like a totally different guy. I tried getting into his head. I tried to "fix" things. I tried showering him with love and attention. It all seemed to push him further away. Eventually, I got tired of trying and decided I was going to focus on making myself happy. I focused on my school and our son and just tried to be as happy as possible and ignored his grumpy mood. It took awhile, I'm not going to lie, but he did come back around. Even with a current deployment (and another trip to Korea on the horizon) we are stronger and happier than we've ever been before.

It was really rough. It was so hard having to practically live without him though he was right next to me. But it was his choice to be grumpy. It was his issue(s). He had to decide to pull himself out of it. I just had to wait until he was ready and be open to him when he was.

I feel the same way you are feeling.  My husband has been back for 6 months since his deployment and its been a process with reconnecting.  It took about 4 months to just get used to each other again, but now its more on an intimate level.  I feel like emotionally we aren't on the same page as we were prior to deployment.  We went to a counselor who helped a lot and I would suggest trying to convince your husband to talk to one.  Its completely normal what you guys are going through and with work you hopefully will be where you were prior to deployment.  I hope everything gets better for you.

- April

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