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Friendless

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I am in the same position.  It took me a long time to make REALLYYYY good friends back in WA State ... and when I finally do.. we have to leave.  We just moved to Texas this past month.. right outside Austin.. and there is NOOO base near us.  The closest one is in S. Antonio I guess.  That's the district my husband does recruiting for.

We have no commissary, no exchange, no Navy/ military people around us whatsoever.  There are two other guys that work in my DH office but they actually live 1 1/2 hours away from us.  So it's kind of hard to hang out w/ their wives, etc.  Augh. 

It sucks when there is NO one around that's military.  I am going to college online right now... and had been working up until last year.. but now I'm going to school, etc.. and I said to my husband I would like to volunteer at the family crisis center right down the road... so hopefully if I get picked up for that, I will meet people.  Not military, but hey, some contacts are better then none right? 

Wow, I wrote a lot.. sorry to bore you.  /WorkArea/threadeddisc/emoticons/tongueout.png 

Heather.


:-)

How old are your boys?  I've made friends through my kids by meeting other parents in the neighborhood.  They are at the park, at "mommy & me" classes, at the library storytime, at preschool.  Most moms love to have playgroups -- take a risk and ask a couple other moms to come to your house with their kids to play for an hour.  Maybe you won't become close friends with them, but it'll be fun anyway.  I don't think Facebook is a good substitute for real live human interaction when your DH is deployed.  You need to make connections.  I've also made a number of friends at my church or by volunteering.  Good luck -- just smile and be friendly, and I'm sure people will love to meet you!

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             Haha.. I live half an hour away from all my friends for 2 years now and I haven't made any new friends where I live. Then again, I am always working all the time, going to class, and cleaning the apartment on the days I have off. Plus where I live, it's a lot of old people =)

 

Anyway.. sorry for your struggles. I am kind of shy too (sometimes)..I too feel like I need to have some kind of connection with the person in order to be a friend. I can't be a friend with any tom, dick, and harry. I am not much of a girly girl and im into going out to dance clubs and drinking myself into a stupor. I also don't have any kids either soo.... yea.. it seems like my friend choices are very limited because they are either into the single lifestyle or the SAHM.

 

You're welcome to add my on your FB. I use to be like cherryswede and wouldn't add anyone unless I personally know them but now I've started adding some people here.. thought "why not" none of my friends are or going to be military wives so it would be nice to befriend on a common ground


Hang on, I wanna try something!

I think we have all been where you are. I have lived at this post for 7 years. I moved here with my husband originally. I did make friends through work, but since they were all military, they all eventually moved. I got divorced and had no friends here. It was not a fun time. I then met my future husband (we are now married) at work. Since he and I have been together, I've made friends with a lot of wives of the guys in his company. The only thing you can do is try to join a playdate or something similiar. I know I sometimes use my kids as shields and to also to start conversations. They make it easier than going into something alone!


Check out my blog! http://ramblingsofamarinewife.blogspot.com/

i think its a military wife thing i've been in jville fl for 4 mths i've tried to make friends with other wivies since i live in off base housing haven't worked yet pls i dont think its me im nice i try to talk but they just seem standoff as if i dont want ur friendship some u should take a closer look at ur selves how many of u go over and say hi to the new neighbours and introduce yourselves i say hi ok i guess not many .

Volunteering at something you feel is important is a good place to find like-minded people.  If you are shy, volunteering is great b/c they just put you right to work and so your hands are busy and you're not just in a corner doing the wallflower.  Also, when you want to work again, volunteering counts on your resume (ie I was out of the work force, but I still exhibited drive and work ethic)

Or take a class at the local YMCA, library, gardening society, or college.  


hey i don't know if you are into having internet friends but i've found it's the best thing especially when you either don't have friends around or don't have friends that understand. i run a support group on myspace and facebook. it's called Operation Whatever It Takes. feel free to add yourself to either. on facebook i have two pages for it. one group page (for discussions and getting to know each other) and a fan page (for news updates, videos, anything military related). 

also, there are some great groups on livejournal for military spouses. 

you can add me on livejournal if you'd like http://callxmextragic.livejournal.com/

I'm a guard girlfriend, been for 3 yrs.

-amber

i am in the same boat!!  we just got stationed at my husband's first duty station (ft. carson) 3 months ago.  we're originally from washington state.  being friendless is the big reason why i am soo homesick and i'm not really happy here!  i'm trying to be but i'm just really lonely.  i left my best friend and all my family!  and when i talk to them on the phone it's just not the same!!!  i tried making friends with our neighbors  (usually i'm pretty shy, but i must be desperate because i cracked out of my shell to introduce myself first..lol) but they all have their friends and i'm the outcast and we usually only talk when our kids are outside playing.  it's just really hard!! i was soo  used to the life i had before. and  i thought the whole friends thing would be the last of my worries but to tell you the truth being in a different surrounding and having a big life change (with joining the military), you NEED friends!!! 

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I feel the exact same way!  I'm a pretty shy person in general, so its hard for me to put myself out there sometimes.  One time I worked up the courage to ask one of the wives if she wanted to hang out sometime, and she actually laughed in my face!  I couldn't believe it!  That definitely kept me from trying again for quite some time!


I'm actually in the same boat as you. My problem is though is that I have had quite a bit of friends and then got stabbed in the back by one of them..... so the others followed suit. It hurt me deep, so now I pretty much stick to myself. I have a few friends that I have known for a long time but they are civ. so talking to them about military stuff gets hard. I've learned to deal with it though. *sigh*


Army wife.... suckin it up so you don't have to!

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Welcome to Texas! Where are you located? We're at Hood. I suggest Google something like Texas military wives or Guard wives in ----,TX. There may be a group you can join to get to know other wives. How do you like Texas so far? I can't wait for summertime!


I'm in the military, just without the contract...

Trust me, you are not the only person left in the world without friends!  I am in a very similar situation.  I am fine being alone, as I am a very shy person in terms of putting myself out there to make friends (but can be the complete opposite once I've made a friend).  When my husband went through OCS, there were so many wives and g/fs who were able to just start hanging out...they'd just call each other up...but I always feel like such a pain when I do that.  But, now we are out in Oklahoma, and I'm literally 900 miles from family (in GA I could just take a day and drive up to visit).  It's hard.  It gets lonely.  Especially if your spouse is always gone.  I know it would be nice to have a friend to swap babysitting nights, and to have a friend to go shopping with (I'd love one right now to go baby shopping with)...it gets lonely.  Maybe we're just going to have to take the steps to really put ourselves out there...who knows, we may be out of our element, but it just might pay off!  Good luck to you! 

I'm actually in the same boat as well.  I even volunteered with my FRG so I could get to know the other ladies and went up to this one lady and said "hi my name is leah" and put out my hand to shake hers and she litterally just stared at me.  And that was hard enough because I am shy too. 


I always gravitate towards guys. Alot of the times I just can't relate to your typical girly-girl. I don't get over excited about anything. I like to shop but not obsessively. I would rather spend the night in with friends than go to clubs or dance, etc. 

I get along really great with guys because they are usual very funny and outgoing and not so judgmental. Im really lucky because my husband has the same taste in friends I do. So when Im friends with girls Ive usually met them as one of the guys' girlfriends. We like to have a close knit group of friends that all get each other. So everyone ends up complimenting the others. But that was back home So now we have to start all over again. 

I just like funny people. People who can hold their own and aren't out to get wasted everytime they are hanging out. 

I'm the kind of person who always has a lot of acquaintances but not very man close friends. 

I've ALWAYS found it hard to have real friends. Even my "best friend" was always such a let down. 


Jeeze, friends are EXHAUSTING!!!


I know exactly how you feel. I'm 100% friendless where I am right now. It really sucks because I'm actually trying to make friends and be nice. Im not shy, but I'm the kind of person who likes to have a lot of genuine chemistry in my friendships without having to force them. So I've actually talked to people and they are just so uninterested. 

I barely even go out of the house because I don't really want to do anything alone. I would kill for a friend to go shopping with too!


I know how hard it is to make friends.  I moved out to my husband's last duty station six months before we moved.  I was just making friends when we moved again.  I found a lot of friends through church Bible study, you might consider something like that.  Good luck.

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It sucks to not have friends... hmmm. Facebook has a lot of groups for mil spouses and stuff like that. Try joining some of them and asking around to see if anyone is in your area, and then chat and see if you all have anything in common. If you really want to make friends, you have to put a little effort into it. Acquaintances arent bad either, but if you want friends, per say, try that and see how it goes.
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I'm in the same boat. I was just thinking today that we really need to find a church to get involved in. I'm going to check out the Family Readiness Center and see what all they can help me out with now that I've heard that from you guys. I'd love to be able to volunteer when I could.


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I am also in a similar situation.  Now my hubby is gone and I don't talk to anyone.  I am not a phone person, although, I try to talk to my Mom once in a while.  I made friends with one of the spouses recently, but she decided to get a job full time and now she doesn't have much time for me.  I just asked her to spend some time together tonight and she says she is tired.  ~~sigh~~ I understand, but boy was I disappointed.  I have a little baby daughter and tried the Mommy/Playdate thing and I just don't click with anyone.  I, too, am picky and I am also a social dork.   I am trying to stay sane, but it's very hard.  I am planning to take some trips soon to visit with friends and family, but in the meantime, I am just trying to keep myself busy.  I think I stay home way too much and am working on doing things outside of the house more. /WorkArea/threadeddisc/emoticons/tongueout.png

I recommend calling the other wife if you have her number.  I do not add FB "friends" unless they are truly someone I am a friend with and know very well.  A lot of girls have tried "befriending" me on FB and I always ignore it.  Some people are more open with their FB pages and that's okay.  I'm more outgoing and have called, emailed and personally invited girls to things many times and when they don't respond I just give up...it's not worth my time if they aren't interested.  The other wife may think you just aren't interested and probably was surprised you befriended her on FB.  Give her a call and invite her over to your house for a playdate and lunch.  It's worth a try and you may make a best friend out of it!  /WorkArea/threadeddisc/emoticons/happy.png

Mrs. 2LT Dodge wrote:

Maybe this is dumb but I just felt like she was being nice. She didn't seem really interested in being my friend. It's more her husband and my husband are buddies. I think we are total opposites.

Hmmmm, well if you don't think you'll like her then so be it.  I figured since you asked to be her friend on FB that you would like to be friends in real life.  Why did you ask to be her friend on FB then?  I'm confused.  Also, I honestly would never offer to watch someone's kids if I wasn't being sincere.  A play date for the kids is harmless enough.  If you are uncomfortable to do it at your home you could meet somewhere like Monkey Joes or Chuck E Cheese.   


CherrySwede wrote:
Mrs. 2LT Dodge wrote:

Maybe this is dumb but I just felt like she was being nice. She didn't seem really interested in being my friend. It's more her husband and my husband are buddies. I think we are total opposites.

Hmmmm, well if you don't think you'll like her then so be it.  I figured since you asked to be her friend on FB that you would like to be friends in real life.  Why did you ask to be her friend on FB then?  I'm confused.  Also, I honestly would never offer to watch someone's kids if I wasn't being sincere.  A play date for the kids is harmless enough.  If you are uncomfortable to do it at your home you could meet somewhere like Monkey Joes or Chuck E Cheese.   


probably because she is an acquaintance.


smbennett wrote:

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 100% friendless where I am right now. It really sucks because I'm actually trying to make friends and be nice. Im not shy, but I'm the kind of person who likes to have a lot of genuine chemistry in my friendships without having to force them. So I've actually talked to people and they are just so uninterested. 

I barely even go out of the house because I don't really want to do anything alone. I would kill for a friend to go shopping with too!


It's good to know I'm not alone. Thank you. At least you're trying. I think I'm picky sometimes and I miss out on possible friendships. How do you choose your friends? There were times in my life where I was really open to all kinds of people and most of the time it backfired on me. So for a long time now I've decided to not let my friends choose me.


Maybe this is dumb but I just felt like she was being nice. She didn't seem really interested in being my friend. It's more her husband and my husband are buddies. I think we are total opposites.

I'm a 24 yr. old National Guard wife and mother of 2 boys from Idaho. I'm originally from Alaska and I've lived in Texas for a short time. I haven't had any friends for awhile now. I'm one of those people who are pretty shy and like to form very few, but close and meaningful relationships. I've had a few best friends in my life. When I was going to the University I had a few friends I hung out with from my program. I had to quit in 07 because I became pregnant and couldn't be around the chemicals in the lab. After school ended, so did my friendships. I finally married my fiance and became a housewife.

I've met my husband's civilian coworkers' wives at work parties and one from the Guard, but we've never hung out or anything. It took me about a whole semester before I made friends in my program at the University. I never see any of these women to be able to get more acquainted. The Guard wife and her husband offered to watch the kids or me bring the kids over, while my husband was gone for 5 months during the summer/fall 09, but I had my sisters visiting me from Texas for most of the time. I've tried adding the Guard wife to my Facebook, but she didn't add me back. I feel like I'm so shy people don't want to be my friend.

My husband will be deploying this fall and he'll be gone a lot in between now and then. I never get out of the house. He works til 7pm in his civ job so we don't really go anywhere, except maybe shopping. I finally got a drivers license in June. I'm just home all day with the kids all the time. How am I ever going to make any friends?

Sometimes, it doesn't bother me so much; I don't have to look my best and neither does my house. I can be laid back and know no one is going to show up besides the UPS guy. Then, I don't have anyone who could babysit, anyone to shop for clothes with, anyone to set up play dates with, no one to go out with, no one to talk to (besides my family who live far away).

I feel like I'm the only person in the world without any friends.

 
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