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not sure if i should say something...

I dont think you should say anything if they are already dramatic people they might take it to another level which will stir up problems.

However, on families get to get together some day you can hint at it that whatever issues or problems is going on at home you do your best not to tell him because of where he is due to saftety hopefully they get the message or something.  Most people do not like to be told what they can and cannot do.

 deployed or not, I don't think anyone wants to find out something bad is happening or has happened via facebook but the reality is that fb has replaced alot of conversation. That being said, I think it would be a good idea to post some sort of list of "helpful hints" to family members of the deployed that gives them an idea of what they should/should not do, like: if you want to send them a letter, do X.....; if you want to send them a package.....do X., even though they are not here, they still may have access to facebook, twitter, etc. and be mindful what you say. During holdays, expect blah, blah, blah...

I think that would help people who are not familiar with deployments understand better how to interact during the deployment.

Also, it would be a tough convo to have but you could put some of that responsibility back on him by telling him that if he chooses to look at fb, twitter, etc... while he's deployed he is likely to see things that will make him mad, sad, angry, distracted or whatever.

I don't think they are in the wrong at all and I don't think that saying anything will do anything but cause strain. They have a right to express their emotions on their personal FB pages. As for telling your husband, all you can do is tell him the first chance you get. Or..if you feel you aren't going to hear from him by phone, send him a personal message on FB or an email (whichever you think he'll get first). That way he gets all the information rather than just someone's status update. 

Let me also add that not telling someone something because it's a "distraction" in a war zone, to me, is not the way to go about it. From my experience, our husbands still want to be a part of the life that is going on here and when we don't tell them something they can often tell we are holding back. I think in the end, not telling someone can cause more resentment than it can harm. 

Please don't take this the wrong way but you can't expect people to alter their lives and how they handle things based off of your husband being deployed. I think the best thing to do is inform him on things as soon as you find out about it and also ask him not to jump to conclusions if he does see something on Facebook. Deployments can be extremely difficult because you feel cut off from the world. Just try with all you can to make him feel comfortable in knowing that you'll let him know about SERIOUS events going on in the family.
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ok so my husband is deployed and his grandmother who he is very close too is sick in the hospital. his family posted this all over facebook, so thats how he found out about it. im upset that noboby even stopped to consider him when they were posting. i really want to say something but not sure how well it would go over. he doesnt need to find out about these things on facebook and his family is kind of dramatic so of course he was freaking out thinking shes going to die. distractions like that can be dangerous in his situation. any advice would be great, im having a hard time decidind if i should say something.


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i dont want them to stop posting, i just would like for them to at least give me the chance to tell him first, that way he will also get the correct info and not some way ovet dramatic story. but yall are probly rite, i dont think they would stop anyway its just really frustrating. when he was in basic his dad haf a really bad car accident which they decided not to tell him about so i dont understand whats different now...


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in a situation like that all you can do is tell him the moment you can and let him know what really happened and that you will tell him if it gets worse i hate over dramatic family i have in laws like that well an in law and she tried to tell me that i couldnt tell him something cause she wanted to be the first to and i ignored it cause its my husband i will tell him things the way i feel he needs to know so they probably wont listen i can promise that its a long shot id just let him know that you will tell him the facts and not over exaggerate then he will know to expect you to clear things up and not to worry until then 

 I wouldn't bother saying anything.  I never understand why people feel the need to put everything thing about there life even personal on Facebook. I the Grandmother is sick then pick up the phone and tell your immediate family no need to let every one in the world know especially your son that is deployed and now feels helpless because his family was couldn't be discreet.

My in-laws are very guilty of doing this.  Although mine is a submariner, so he wouldn't see anything while deployed.  However, they are notorious for not telling him things about the family.  For example, there have been times when his grandmother has been admitted to the hospital, and they don't even call to tell him until after she's been home for about a week; it will go something like this....my husband will call to say hello to his mother, and he'll ask how she's been and what she's been doing.....she'll reply, oh doing fine, and nothing much....oh yeah, well we were kinda busy for a while there when granny was in the hospital after her heart attack, but everything is back to normal now.  Then you hear crickets, and then my husband....WHAT???  This sort of thing happens all the time with them...not just one, but all.  They will either minimize things, or blow things out of proportion.  It's terrible to watch him go through emotionally.

However, I have to sit back and remind him, "that's your family, you deal with them."  I don't want to get involved in their drama.  So my advice to you is this....if he doesn't like it, he needs to say something to them...not you.  Don't get in the middle of it.  You will only be made out to be the bad guy.  Maybe this is their family dynamics (being dramatic).  I know it's painful to watch, but let it go and trust me, if he wants it to stop, he will say something to them.  =)  Best wishes!


It's not realistic to expect people not to post about important life events on Facebook just because one family member happens to be deployed. You could try a diplomatic hint: "Brother-in-law (or whoever it is), with Hubby deployed it's kind of a shock for him to find out upsetting family news on Facebook. Would you considering filtering those posts to exclude him, so that he doesn't get worked up and distracted about things like this while he's over there in harm's way?" But honestly I don't expect that will work. Over-dramatic people like to spread the anxiety around. Presumably, since this is his family, he knows this.

Iwould feel terrible if my bf found out anything serious about his family via facebook. There's a way to tell your loved ones something like that, and that isn't it. I would be just as upset. If you do approach them, do so carefully. Tensions are high already, but your opinion certainally counts and should be heard.

If I were you, I would ask that they inform their son about the situation through the American Red Cross' Armed Forces Emergency Services. The little card I have here reads: "To reach your family in times of emergency 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 1-877-272-7337" They will get the information to him efficiently, and in the proper manner. Finding out on facebook is devistating.

I'm about to tell my parents about this. If my bf is out on a deployment, and something happens to me and I die, I need them to/want them to handle things properly.


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