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fight with mil...again

This is your husband fight, when he returns he needs to have a sit down talk with her and tell her that whatever issues she has with you she better get over it.  That she needs to respect the unity of your marriage.  With you confronting her makes it worst he has to do it as that is his mom.  I had the same problem with my MIL she would not even look at me or speak to me.  One night I was in bed and she came to the door and ask him when I was leaving.  I heard him clearly say to her mom, she is the one, she makes me happy I suggest you get to know her because you will be pleasantly surprise of why I have fallen for her.  Than he restated again get to know her because she is the "one" than kissed her and walked away.  After that his mom finally started reaching out me to and now we are best of friends.

I think if I had confronted her about her being rude and disrespectful it would have made things worst, I was just pleasant to her when I saw her if she said nothing that was on her.

Thanks for all your advice! And I just talked to dh. He said I handeled it the same way he would have if he was home. So now that we both know that MIL is basically out to get rid of me, we arent taking chances. Dh didnt want to believe that "mommy dearest" would do that but now he sees how she really is. She wants my husband and my child but not me. In the past I have bitten my tongue and let everything go, but now Im sick of it. I know that its his mother and he should handel the disputes, but when hes deployed I am the only one that can take up for myself. I didnt want him to let her get by with a "good swift talking to". I wanted her to know that this is not going to happen again and if it does then she can count on being shuned. When I got pregnant she said I probably didnt take the pill because I wanted dh money!?!?! Um oh yea get me knocked up and leave for basic training and give birth with dh 5 states over for the money. And fyi I wasnt on the pill I was on the patch. She acts like shes still dh #1. Hello... when he slid the ring on my finger and we had a child she dropped a few pegs on the ladder. And lynn I love the comment you made in the last sentence of your post!! I asked dh on the phone if he was going to call and talk to her he said hell no because I know that she has been fuming about it all night and I dont want to hear her mouth, I have enough on me. When we had his going away party his mother had the nerve to invite a different ex (we will call her Angie) to MY house to a party I was paying for. When I made Angie leave before she got to the front step dh was already in a beeline for MIL. He said why would you do that you know it would cause trouble. Her response, "I just want you to be happy." Dh (lord bless him) said, "What made you think I wasnt happy?". And I was already pregnant at the time of the party. We were already married and everything. I jokingly told dh that if I turn up missing to search the surrounding area around MIL house. But now its getting to the point where she would do anything to split us up. She wants my hubby and my child so anyway to get me out of the picture would make her happy. I know dh needs to set boundaries for her but there is no "talking" to her. Its always a yelling cussing fight. What is a good way to tell her that we have made boundaries for her? And what are some laws you have laid down with the MIL?


Remember to always trust in God! I love SPC. Brewer!! And love can stretch across the ocean!!

 So sense the fight we have had no contact with MIL and little with FIL. Then yesterday DH calls and says his dad his found a truck at a dealership in a town I've never heard of about 65 miles away (his dad drives 18wheelers) and he wants me to go buy it with money he is transferring to my account. I was like ok sure babe anything you want. Then he lowers the bomb on me and says that his dad cant take off work to show me where the dealership is but his mom can take me there. WTF NONONO. I told him I would get the address and use my GPS and go myself. Then my lightbulb came on in my head and I have to get a ride there so I can drive the truck back. UGH. My mom and sisters that live near me are all working. I took off tuesday so I can get everything squared away. Tags, insurance, inspection. And of course after I tell my hubby that I will have my close friend drive me up there he says he already arranged it with his mom. HELLO HONEY DID YOU FORGET WE CANT STAND EACH OTHER???? I felt betrayed like hes setting me up for disaster. He says he did it because maybe being trapped in a vehicle with her with nobody else around that maybe we could sort through our differences. Um, she keeps trying to split us up, I cant forgive and forget that. At least not this quick. But after a few minutes of huffing and pouting I just gave in. Fine I will ride with your hellacious mother and pray to god that she keeps her mouth shut. So please pray for me tomoro. Im sure I will have MUCH MUCH more to write about after we pick the truck up. Thanks for continuting to read about a day in the life of this fed up army wife!


Remember to always trust in God! I love SPC. Brewer!! And love can stretch across the ocean!!

Anna wrote:

What happened to (now he sees how she really is and we aren't going to let it happen anymore).  Some people just love to dwell in the house of drama, if that wasn't the case you would have already moved on from this.  



Um ok anna easy for you to say that as your not in my situation. That is some really nice advice thanks a lot...not. But ppl like you remind me of my MIL. When my husband asks me to do something for him I will bend over backwards to get it done even if that does mean riding with his mother to pick up a truck for him. By the way it would have caused drama with me and dh if I had said no. I would rather have my MIL mad at me than my husband. So next time you feel like leaving a asdfjkl; post on a wall where im trying to deal with a problem in my life, make sure its actually advice and not just a hateful comment.


Remember to always trust in God! I love SPC. Brewer!! And love can stretch across the ocean!!

 But anyways, I made the trip with MIL to pick up DH truck. She has a runny nose and whined the whole time about it.Then when we finally got to the dealership she tried to come and sit at the table where I was signing all the papers and she got all frantic because it was going in my name. Um duh I cant forge dh name on a title and all the paperwork. Im just glad its over with. But there was no screaming match this time. And dh is really happy and hes ready to get home so he can drive it. My car is in the shop getting a new water pump put on it. So good thing we got the truck or I would be catching a ride with someone else. But thanks for all the "positive" advice I really appreciate it!


Remember to always trust in God! I love SPC. Brewer!! And love can stretch across the ocean!!

 In August my dh deployed to afghanistan. He is not coming home for r&r until sometime in march we think. We are not going to tell his parents when he is coming in because his terrible mother always tries to make it all about her. She jumps infront of me and my son to get to my hubby. Its very frustrating when our 3 year old has his arms out and she runs infront of us. I just feel like screaming "SERIOUSLY". But anyways besides that. I talked to dh yesteraday and he read me a letter he got from his exgirlfriend. OMG We will call her Haley for this post. We were both totally dumbfounded on how she got the address or why she would think that its ok to write him. We have been to hell and back with this girl. So after I got off the phone with him I called around and got Haleys number. She told me that my Mother In Law gave her the address and told her it would be good for him to get mail from people other than family!?!?!?! WTH??? And its not like my MIL didnt know our history with this girl. She knew and she still encouraged her to write him. So after work I went over to MIL house and asked her who gave her the right to try to screw with my family. She says that I stole dh from her and its my fault hes overseas because I told him to join the army. I got so asdfjkl; off omg. I yelled its not about the fact that hes deployed its about you trying to come between us by pulling a stunt like this. She said well my son never calls me because he only wants to talk to u, so u dont know how i feel. I said well if you didnt fuss and bit*** and carry on the whole time your on the phone maybe he would want to call you more often. After that things kind of got out of hand. I know when I started the conversation that I was mad and upset and she always tries to make me sound like the bad guy to dh. So when he calls (he always calls me first) I will explain to him what happened and that its taken care of. Oh yea, during the heated argument she said, "and now i bet your not going to let me see my grandson are you" I said, "this is not about him its about you always trying to scheme up a way to split us up. Do you really think that having dh ex write him a letter is going to make me want to come over and see you more often??" Omg so fed up with her s***. She lives 3 miles away which only makes it worse. I see her at the store or the gas station. Ugh. Dh dont permanently come home until around august. Its soooo far away. Any advice on how to handle this or how to handle her??


Remember to always trust in God! I love SPC. Brewer!! And love can stretch across the ocean!!

Though you probably won't see this until it's too late, I personally would just flat out refuse to do it.  I would drop off the money at your mil's house when she wouldn't be there and just leave it at that.  Your mil clearly isn't respecting you and never has, you have no obligation to help a family that refuses to accept you as one of them, much less a person.


well, i don't have any advice. your mil would be one that i would be dying to move away from. if she is so concerned about seeing her grandson, she should treat the people around him with more respect. children see more than most people know and it's only a matter of time before the kid decides he doesn't want to see grandma, grandma's mean. there doesn't seem to be much you can do about it. if you have your husband talk to her, she will just accuse you of "making" him do it. i know it's mean to say this, but if i had to deal with her the whole time i would be the one thinking "she's older than me, that means at some point i won't have to deal with her anymore". just saying.

 

OMG I'm horrified FOR you. How completely conniving and selfish. Wow, I'm so counting my blessings that I have amazing in-laws who are so supportive of us. I don't even have advice for you, because I've never been in your situation. It's just completely blowing my mind right now. Good for you for standing your ground though. Sounds like SHE has some growing up to do. I hate how people don't stop to think about how THEY would feel if someone was putting them in the same situation they're forcing someone else into.

 

Anna~ a million times YES to your post!! After an innocent phone call to my MIL turned into 3 hours of her ranting at me, calling me every name you can think of, I have come to the conclusion that I will not communicate with her either by phone or mail. It doesn't mean that I haven't forgiven her, though it has taken months. I don't care if Big Sarge talks her ears off; I will not communicate with her.

 

armybratsmama-I know you live in the same local area as your MIL, so this might be a little harder, but the no communication thing is right now your best option.

my currently deployed husband just informed me that we are "separated with intent to divorce in one year"
Live, Give, Hope, Smile, Pray, Dream....Like you Were Dying...tomorrow is not PROMISED

I just tell my MIL that she's going to "the home" if she doesn't shape up. But I have a fabulous relationship with my in-laws and love them to death, so it's all in good fun and she takes it that way. Good luck! I can't begin to imagine what you're going through.

My MIL was just like that in fact she threw a fit the day after our wedding when we were moving to another state.  She was so rude and my dh had had enough so when we moved we stopped talking to his family.  It went on for almost a year..she would send letters cert mail that he had to sign for to make sure I wasn't taking them and hiding them from him.  She was so worried I was keeping him from her when it was him that was done with her behavior.  After a year DH finally decided to talk to her take her apology.  Sense then there have still been a few fights along the way, but things are so much better.  One big one when we moved back home this year and she was yet again into our business.  All we had to do was to set boundaries with her.  And if she didn't follow them we would not see or talk to her it took a bit for her to get we were  serious .  But 7 years later I have to say things are so much better, I even call her to do stuff with out my husband.  And your DH has to stand up for you.  That was a big factor into getting my MIL to stop.  He told her if you can not treat my wife nice and with respect I will choose her over you.  I hope this helps!

 Don't fuel the fire and fan the flames off her bullcrap, having a conversation with your MIL will only ALWAYS BACKFIRE and slap you in the face.  DON'T COMMUNICATE WITH HER ON ANY LEVEL.  Cut your MIL off and cut the drama out of your life.  If your husband wants to converse with her than let him but I wouldn't waste my breath even saying hello, it's all nonsense.  She doesn't like you, blames you for everything so do you see any kind of relationship with her ever???????  Just let her go.


What happened to (now he sees how she really is and we aren't going to let it happen anymore).  Some people just love to dwell in the house of drama, if that wasn't the case you would have already moved on from this.  


armybratsmama wrote:

 But anyways, I made the trip with MIL to pick up DH truck. She has a runny nose and whined the whole time about it.Then when we finally got to the dealership she tried to come and sit at the table where I was signing all the papers and she got all frantic because it was going in my name. Um duh I cant forge dh name on a title and all the paperwork. Im just glad its over with. But there was no screaming match this time. And dh is really happy and hes ready to get home so he can drive it. My car is in the shop getting a new water pump put on it. So good thing we got the truck or I would be catching a ride with someone else. But thanks for all the "positive" advice I really appreciate it!


Remember to always trust in God! I love SPC. Brewer!! And love can stretch across the ocean!!
You are amazing woman! Good for you!

Like most that have posted on here, my MIL is the same way.. she whined and cried when dh came home on r&r and him and i went on vacation.. she said i was keeping him from his family, and that we would be living together when he got home from deployment so on r&r his family and friends needed to be his priority, not his wife. (so i guess in her book, being his wife isn't considered family or a friend) but whatever. we're stationed in hawaii but im home now for a little bit and she asked us where we were wanting to be stationed next, and we said well while we have the chance, we're thinking about just staying in hawaii, while we're young with no kids and just live a little... she was LIVID!!!!!! said that was so stupid and there was no reason he needed to be that far away from his family bc it was too expensive for her to fly there to see him so she would have to wait for him to come home and i never would want him to come home bc im keeping him from seeing her blah blah BLAH!! might i add this is the lady that didn't come to our wedding (in hawaii) told us it would be awesome to have a small ceremony there with close family which is what we wanted and she agreed to.. then two weeks before the wedding, we find out that she hasn't even gotten the plane ticket and that she's not coming.. she wanted us to cancel everything which had already been completely paid for, forget about the ppl that had already bought plane tickets and paid for hotels and come home and have the ceremony so she could come. but of course we didn't, kept everything the same, just without her (which was fine with me) and then we come home two weeks later to see that she's COMPLETELY redone two whole rooms in her house.. new floors new drywall new paint new furniture! whatever! i guess there are just those kind of ppl that want to control everything. i stand my ground and my dh and i are going to live our lives the way we want.. he told her when he was home that she was acting completely childish about everything and the way she was acting makes him not want to come back here.. she wasnt too happy but whatever.. he left the week before christmas and he said since hes been back he hasn't heard from her since.. he said right now it doesn't bother him, he just wants her to realize that she's not going to control him and he's going to put his wife first in his life... he said she needs to see that he's grown and old enough to make his own choices and if she doesn't like them, she doesn't need to whine and cry and throw a fit about it, she just needs to accept it.     


Ohhhhh girl!, hope for the best... Prepare for the worst! Just make sure u stay calm.... Cause crazy women like that will get u in trouble! It's messed up what ur hubby did.... Sounds a lot like the my ex MIL... Hope your hubby gets on ur side cause if not, he will keep trying to believe you guys can solve this issue and it will hell for you. 

I wish you the best of luck 

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Sorry you have to deal with this all! I guess all you can do is not let her get to you; and just leave it up to him to update her when he can. 


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