I think your husband needs to talk to her and set boundaries. She needs to understand that her son is no longer a little boy and she needs to treat him and his family with respect. It can be tough breaking away from the child/parent roles when living close enough to visit frequently. To maintain a semblance of peace between you and his mother, he should make the stand for his new family.
Mel. "Life...it is what it is. Suck it up, deal with it and move on."
Hi ladies (and gents). (:
I love, love, love my mother-in-law. She does so much for my family, and I appreciate it to no end. But sometimes, she is so ridiculously overbearing that I honestly cannot handle it and I don't know how to tell her!
For example, she has the password to our online banking. This is because my husband has had the same bank account since he was a sixteen and at that time, he needed her help setting everything up and handling his finances. Now, however, that he's married, living on his own, fully financially supporting himself, etc, I feel like it's excessive. Just a few days ago, she text messaged me and asked why I spent over 200 dollars at Wal-Mart. Are you serious?! Absolutely insane. She will call him all the time and tell him that he should not be spending so much money here or there, or buying concert tickets (which he did for me for Valentine's Day, thanks for ruining the surprise) or music on iTunes. It's so out of hand. Hubby has agreed with me and we will be changing the online password ASAP, but STILL.
Another thing is how she treats me / speaks to me when it comes to how I handle my son. She came over about a week ago and I was sitting outside with my six month old, just enjoying the weather (it was mid 70s). She came over and practically TORE him from my arms, screaming at me that he should not be outside and especially with no socks on! What she failed to realize was that he DID have socks on previously, he had just taken them off. Because he is six months old. And that is what six months old DO. Whenever she is around him she takes him from me and refuses to give him back. She tells me that he is underfed and that he's going to get sick. She will change him out of the clothes that I put him in if we go over to her house. Since he's already crawling, she says things like "Well, what other choice does he have, she never holds him." (which is an outright lie!) and "I would be trying to get away from her too!". She is furious with me because he is uncircumsized, and brings it up any chance she can, but I don't see how that is any of her business. She's even said (to other people, not to me) that I will probably never have any grandchildren from him because no one will have sex with him!
I know that she loves her son and her grandson and that she means well. But I'm tired of her thinking that she is number one in both of their lives and that I should come second. Since my son is only six months right now, it isn't that big of a deal, because the things she says about me or does towards me he can't understand. But I informed my husband tonight that if things continue this way, and she continues to bad mouth me in front of my child, he will not be allowed to see her anymore. I don't want the things she says to affect the relationship that he and I have, or the one that the two of them will (hopefully) have.
I don't want to be that daughter in law that doesn't allow her children around her in laws and that people think "forced" the son away from his parents. I just can't deal with her anymore, not like this. And the thing is, sometimes she is so sweet! It's just the luck of the draw with her.
How do I tell her how I feel without alienating myself farther from her? I don't want to put a wrench between my husband and his mother, or my son and his grandmother, but I can't stand it anymore!
wife. mommy. lover. friend. writer. dreamer.
I agree with Meleecamp, I know you talked to your husband already but I would talk to him and say he needs to speak to his mom and let her know where her boundaries lie.
Her son is no longer 16 so their is no reason for her to even have his banking account numbers anymore. As for her telling you how to mother you child, I think we all know how well that goes over with all of us mom's. I think how you described the socks is funny because my son used to do that all the time.
If your mother in law has a problem with your son being on the floor you should say at his age being on the floor is probably the best thing for him developmentally. What is he going to get from being in your arms 100% of the time. Either way sorry for the rant I just wanted you to know don't let her get you down. Hopefully if your husband talks to her she will realize were her place is.
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