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FIL and babies

Believe me, I understand that you want this day to be special and that you dont want your FIL mucking it up, but he is the grandfather, and as much as you dont seem to enjoy his presence, he sounds like he will be a really good one.  I understand how you feel.  My inlaws have different views on just about everything my husband and I do.  We pretty much dont see eye to eye on anything, and, honestly, I have a hard time leaving my dog with them, but they are still my husband's parents and sometimes that is just the give and take of the relationship.  He really does sound as if he is really excited, and lthough I dont know him, from what you have said maybe a little tacky, but basically harmless.  Why deny him that?  You may find that his experience and dedication might give a welcome break and a chance to relax. 

I think you are making alot of assumptions about your FIL.  It sounds like he is really excited about the prospect of grandchildren and it's actually a good thing that he wants to be a part of his grandkids lives.  I'm a little confused about your statement that he is opposite of classy.  It comes across as judgemental and that you think he is below you.  He may be sensing that from you and worries that you will shut him out.  My husband's family is alot different than my own, but I found that taking the time to get to really know who they are has improved my relationship with them.  I don't always agree with how they do things, but I treat them with the utmost respect because my husband loves them.  Don't worry how he might be after a baby is born, just deal with whatever happens when it happens.  Your husband is an adult and if he needs to set some groundrules with his dad, then so be it.  As long as you and your husband are on the same page, then you can deal with an overbearing parent without anger and hurt feelings.


Mel. "Life...it is what it is. Suck it up, deal with it and move on."

I don't really enjoy my father in laws company, but I'm civil and friendly when he visits because I know that it means a lot to my husband. I just find him to be...the opposite of classy and it bothers me. The first time we met was right before his son and I married. Not only does he bring up grandchildren constantly {which I believe is non of his business until I happen to get pregnant} he gave my than fiance a coin with a naked woman on each side. I find that to be highly disrespectful to me and of course my husband knows me very well and threw it out as soon as FIL left. I desperately want to have children, but knowing how my FIL is going to be is holding me back. I know that he's going to want to be there and I don't blame him for that. I mean I know my mom will want to be there, BUT he's going to hover and want to stay in our tiny two bedroom apartment with us. And I know he's just not going to leave me alone. I feel like the birth of a child should be between the mother and father first with other family members coming into the picture later, preferably once we have a routine with the baby. My husband has agreed to make sure he at least stays in a hotel and that when I give the word he'll politely let him know that it's time for him to go back to it if he tries to stay to late. But I kind of feel like I don't want him here at all until after we're home and settled in from the birth. Does anyone else feel like this? What did you and your husbands do when you had your children?

My advice is that you and your husband set some boundaries together, of what you are both comfortable with as far as people visiting and being involved in the labor and delivery, visitations (while in the hospital and once you get home).  Then, have your husband speak with his family members and lay down the rules with them.  I think your FIL's feelings will be hurt though if your side of the family is more involved than he is, and I don't think that is fair to him.  I think you should be happy that he wants to be that involved.  It sounds like he will be a doting grandfather, and those are very hard to come by.  My FIL is a wonderful grandfather and we are happy that he got to be around the kids so much when they were little.  My father on the other hand, is not such a good grandfather; he never wanted to be around and has never spent as much time with my kids as my FIL has.  So, you should be thankful.  

Your FIL seems like he has a very close bond with your son, and you should let him continue that, no matter how "classy" or "un-classy" you think he is.  And I just don't get how your FIL is holding you back from having kids.  So are you just never going to have kids because you're afraid your FIL will want to visit his grandchildren afterwards? I think that's just plain mean.  Sorry to be so blunt, but I do.  I think you should try and accept him the way he is and not expect him to act differently just when he comes around you, your husband, and your future kids.  That can't make for a good relationship with your husband.  Families are made up of all different sorts of characters.  Good luck!  =) 


What do you think is classy? There are sometimes when classy won't cut it at all and you are glad that it isn't there.  He sounds like a man who really wants to be a grandfather so he can spoil the child rotten like so many want to and there is nothing wrong with that to a point.  Yes that is what you want to have when you do have the baby but it doesnt always work out that way at all. Getting into a routine with the baby can take weeks or even months at times depending on schedules, the child, etc.. Why shouldn't grandparents be there? This is an important day that happens to everyone not just you two.  What would you do if something happened to him right after the child was born but you were not allowing guess so he never got to see the grandchild?  Or vice versa heaven forbid that something was wrong with the child.   They are a part of this child's life as well.  Yes you can set boundaries but you also have to be flexible on them.   You also have to look at what it would be like if you were going through this in becoming a grandparent.  Wouldn't you be excited? Want to be there? Spoil the child rotten?

 

The coin did your fiance/husband get told why? Maybe it was something that his father had given to him or something along those lines.  Maybe it was a joke saying now you are going to get married this coin is the only time you are going to see a naked woman beyond your wife.  It wasn't necessarily disrespectful at all.


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