His Parents Want to Adopt
You don't tell them they don't have enough money. You can simply say you don't think its a good idea without going into details. The adoption agency will investigate their suitability to complete the adoption.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level,then beat you with experience.
Response to this post might not even be relative anymore but the site the parents are looking at will consider their finances even if there is no fee for adoption..in the end I believe it comes down to how much love and paitence they have to offer.
I agree with ChelleG. I would also ask what type of organization they are dealing with for the adoption and if they have checked them out. When I adopted my daughter, it was a family adoption, and we had to pay around 4 grand in attorney fees and such. I'd want to make sure they are dealing with a reputable organization.
Mel. "Life...it is what it is. Suck it up, deal with it and move on."
Are you sure they don't have money saved somewhere?
My parents are always saying their 'broke' but its more because they now have a slightly less income than they had, and much of their money is in COD, stocks, investments, etc, so their 'cash' is minimal, but they are 'worth' much more, they simply don't have expendable cash and they don't want to use my dad's retirement checks as their spending money. So, to them they are broke. Maybe his parents are the same way. Maybe they are used to a certain level of financial living and just aren't used it and feel they haven't got any.
To me, its really not your business. You DH can give his opinion but in the end, its up to them anyway. Who are you (or your DH) to say that they shouldn't or can't adopt children. Some women can't handle not having kids around, no matter their age. If you can respectfully say something like "If you feel you can financially afford it, then I support you" then you're fine. If not, then say nothing at all.
If my parents decided to adopt I wouldn't even question it, I would just simply say "That's great!" and be done with it. While they may want my opinion, it really wouldn't matter and could cause a wedge if I didn't agree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you don't. they're adults. the only appropriate thing to do is stand behind them and be supportive and happy for them (or pretend to be).
sorry...must have missed the part where they asked your husband's opinion. honestly, i still wouldn't tell them what you think of their finances. maybe just ask the question...can they handle it financially? but if they say yes - then you'll need to let it go. to me, anything else would be very disrespectful.
Hey everybody; I'm writing on behalf of my husband and myself. We're in a tough position and don't quite know what to do. The other day my husband received an email from his dad telling him that they are thinking about adopting a sibling group of three or four kids.
Just some background- hubby's family already has six kids. My MIL is sweet and kind, but pretty baby crazy. My FIL was in the Navy for over 20 years and is now retired (read: they are well into their 50s). I think my MIL's attachment to her kids is in part due to her husband being away so often and for so long. I get that. Kids are always around, husbands aren't. Her three oldest sons (one of which is my husband) are currently in the Navy, aged 23, 25, and 27. Of the three youngest, there is a 19 year old girl in college and a 17 y/o girl and 14 y/o boy at home.
Since getting out of the Navy, his dad has had several jobs, but none of them seem to work out. A couple months ago he earned $9 (his job is based on commission). Their 17 year old daughter is having to put off going to college for an extra year because they can't afford it; they can barely afford to keep the one who's in college there. He's a very strong willed, opinionated man, although he never means to be rude or an A hole, he can be perceived that way. I do love them both, but sometimes my FIL can be a moocher. My husband's grandfather pays for a lot of their expenses, since they are unable. He's not the kind to ask for advice or other's opinions and my general feeling is that he is the king of the house and once they believe that God wants them to do something, they kind of throw common sense out the window. She told me a couple days ago that she doesn't want to take this portion of her life to enjoy their emptying nest, that her ministry is her home and kids.
So you can imagine our surprise when we received the email telling us about their plans to adopt three or four siblings and asking my husband what he thought about it. He doesn't know what to say. We've talked with one of his brothers and we (brothers and wives) all agree they're in no position financially to bring more kids under their wing. My husband has even said he doesn't want any more siblings.
My main concern is their money situation (apparently the organization they're looking only asks for $30 for a background, you don't have to pay to adopt the kids), and also their age. My MIL told me they're still praying about the decision. My husband doesn't really know how to respond; how do you tell your parent's you think they're wrong? How do you tell your parents they don't have enough money to even think about something like this?
They asked his opinion, though. So shouldn't he be honest with them? We know they are adults and capable of making their own decisions. But when a loved one is thinking about making a poor decision, shouldn't you tell them in a loving way?
Sorry, that was me ^ Liz B.
The organization is www.adoptuskids.org It looks like it's through the government with Health & Human Services. It tells you on the website that there is no cost to adopt except for the background check. Even the classes you have to take to become a foster parent are free.
And ChelleG, I think you're right. We definitely wouldn't want to say "We don't think you can afford this." that would be a slap in the face. We'll just wait until they bring it up again and see what they say and where they are.
my husbands parents have adopted 6 children, (my husband is one of 4 biologically) well they started fostering when my husband was 17, (his moms idea) everybody told her just one but she just kept bringing them in, about 9 years ago she officially adopted them, a set of 2 siblings and 4 siblings, there ages are from 5-18, my husbands parents are in there late 50's and are just too old for all the responsibility, most of the kids were abused, neglected or both so they have some serious issues, a lot of times my husband gets upset because his parents don't have time for him anymore even to talk on the phone without being interrupted, its great that they opened there homes to these kids but they really took on to much and my husband thinks that his mom has regrets
I don't think the OP's DH needs to directly say you are too old and financially unable to have kids, as that would be disrespectful and possibly ineffective. I just think a simple discussion about the facts with his parents could perhaps help them view the situation from a different perspective that they may not have yet considered. As someone already reiterated, the parents asked for their son's opinion.
Adults still aren't always right. If my parents were about to make a bad decision, I would talk about it with my brothers, and we would probably come together and talk to my parents about it. I am also close with my grandfather, and would probably talk to him about it too and have him be involved as well since he is essentially their financier.
"The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." -L. Tolstoy
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