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Deployment after a newborn/birth

Hi Tina, my fellow Navy wife.  Let me start out by saying Congratulations on your baby.  Next I read your bible scripture which tells me you are a woman with faith which will help you through this deployment a lot.  Our son was born before my husband came back from deployment he was not able to be there for the birth.  My husband met our son when he was three weeks old and then deployed again when he was six months.  We have two boys my oldest was 8yrs old at the time.  What helped me at the time was telling my hubby I wanted him to do his job and come home safe. To me it didn't matter if he missed the birth as long as he came home after so that we may be together and enjoy each other and thats what we did.  I also went to see my family and friends was out and definitely involved myself with activities.  If you have a military function for the wives go to them, it get you out and you learn and meet new people.   It is hard to think about it and the part about missing out on a lot of things.  At the time we didn't have Skype, so I made a lot of videos for him of his children every single little thing that I could imagine I recorded and sent it to him and of course pictures.  It will be difficult but let me tell you, your baby will keep you VERY busy and before you know it your husbands deployment will be over.  God built us in a very unique way he made us strong and to be strong in the toughest of situations. By that I mean for your husband try to be as strong as you can be so that he too can deal with this situation.  Do you have family near? friends?  If you don't have family nearby think about going to visit as much as you can it will also help very much.  You are not alone in this,  we have been there in the same situation you are in.  I wished there was something like this back then when I went through it.  For me what all his deployments have done is made me a much stronger woman, much stronger than I thought I was.  Hope I was able to help you somewhat.  I wish you the best. 

One of the things that I learned even after 15yrs in the military is never feel like you are bothering someone for a favor or some help.  This last deployment for me was very difficult I was getting close to having depression and was very stressed out and having two boys I couldn't not get sick.  For me it was the most difficult thing to admit I needed help that I couldn't do it all alone.  But there is so many wonderful resources that our military offers us.  The wives meetings or gatherings from your husbands unit, I don't know if they continue to do that or not where they gather once a month when the spouse is deployed.  Do you live on base? They have all the programs and places to look for you also to go out and socialize with the baby.   Like I said before the baby will keep you plenty busy but if you have questions,  I agree with the other spouse your church family will be there for you.  Don't do what I did, I one thing I can tell every wife out there that is recent to military life don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help, its not easy, look at me after 15yrs and Im barely learning learning that its ok to ask for help.  please feel free to email me, if I can help you find out something else or if you just need to talk.  

lilleja8@yahoo.com - Im Alex  :)

Hi ladies and thanks for replying. I have no family for 3000+ miles. I do have a wonderful church family but they all have kids (we are officially the last family to bring a child into the world) so I don't want to bother them too much.  I want to bring family out but no one can make it out here but my MIL (mother-in-law) and she wants to come but finances are stopping her travels. No matter how I look at it, it looks as if we are going to do this alone until we are able to travel (both healthily and financially).  I'm sure I can do it but with all the emotions and not having my hubby around to help out with the nights, it just feels impossible now.  Thanks for the tips and I'll be sure to follow them. :)

Hi all, I've been a Navy Wife for six years but I'll be a first time physical mom (our last child passed at 17.4 weeks last year) next month. However, the reason I'm writing this is because my dh will be leaving for training and deployment about a month after we give birth to our daughter and he's having a hard time with it and honestly, so am I. We met and married well before the military and it's been our dream to have children and to have to raise our child alone for the first year of her life is really bothering me. So for those who have gone through this, what advice do you have for me? Is there any advice that I can share with him? Thanks in advance!

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Quoted
Hi all, I've been a Navy Wife for six years but I'll be a first time physical mom (our last child passed at 17.4 weeks last year) next month. However, the reason I'm writing this is because my dh will be leaving for training and deployment about a month after we give birth to our daughter and he's having a hard time with it and honestly, so am I. We met and married well before the military and it's been our dream to have children and to have to raise our child alone for the first year of her life is really bothering me. So for those who have gone through this, what advice do you have for me? Is there any advice that I can share with him? Thanks in advance!

 

Hi there :)

I am not sure if I would be "crowned" a "military wife" but I have been through 2 deployments with  my  husband. One when my daughter was 1-2yrs old, then this one, where my daughter was 6 weeks old when he left. He hasn't met her since then and he comes back in 2 months :).....anyway...I do have family where I am at so I am extremely blessed for all the help. However, I feel like you need to get ready to ask for help. Get to know some of the church members more intimately. You are going to need your breaks. Please don't try to do it alone. This is so important to not only you, but for your newborn. She deserves for her mom to be as rested as she can be so if you feel like you're imposing, remember that you're also doing it for her. Also, try to be as organized as possible and try to get on a routine (or continue the one you're on) as soon as possible. Involve your husband as much as possible by sending pictures and by showing pictures of him to your baby constantly. If you ever need to talk, pm me. *hugs*

Cassandra

 

 

 

why is deployments so hard? i can get my hubby to understand i want some type of affection, thru emails,texts,letters whatever. he so distant now that he there. he says he want to be forcus and i understand that. i have did all i know to do. bottom line i want feel love even thru distant and im not.

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I'm sorry to hear your family can't come to visit, but I understand. In regards to your church family, let them help. You won't be "bothering" them. It's perfect that most of them have kids because they'll understand some of what you'll be dealing with. I would at least try to line up a couple of girlfriends from church to come over once or twice a week. You might be surprised that you'll need time to take a shower while they watch the baby... or just for some adult conversation. Good luck! Oh, and sittercity.com is free for the military.It can help you find a good sitter. Keep that in mind during the deployment when you need a few hours to do things that you'd rather not take the baby.

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Congratulations on your pregnancy! It can be hard to be the "single parent" when a spouse is deployed or on an unaccompanied tour. My husband returned in December from a year in South Korea. Our daughter was almost two when he left. Not the same as a newborn, but still single-parenting. I would suggest you focus on establishing a routine with the baby before he leaves. Are you planning on working or staying at home. If staying at home, the best advice I can give is this... are you paying attention? Ok, here it is: SLEEP WHEN THAT BABY SLEEPS! The cleaning, the errands, everything else can wait. If that baby goes to sleep for 45 minutes at 11am... you do, too. You will be getting up at least once in the middle of the night, quite possibly more. I followed this advice for the first few months with my daughter, and it made all the difference in the world. If there was a day where I didn't nap when she did, I was miserable, tired, cranky. It was just so much more enjoyable, and easier, to be well rested. She got a happier mommy, and the chores still got done... just not on a typical schedule. If it's feasible, you could consider having a family member come visit and help out.... but unless you really love/like and enjoy being around them, and that they'll be real help... sometimes it's easier just to do it alone, in my experience.

 
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