18 YO rushing to marry her 5 month airman.
Married my husband after knowing him 5 months. Two months of that was long distance. When we got married he was 20 and I was 23. He had been in the Navy for 2 years at that time. I think it all depends on the maturity of them. We married and started a family a little young, to some, but its working for us. Years down the road we are still happily married with a 2 year old and another baby on the way. My husband's career is on a great track and we are living overseas. Our families were supportive, if they weren't they never expressed it to us. I think one important thing to do is let your daughter make her mistakes, if this is even one. There is nothing wrong with guiding her and sharing your experiences. Right now from what you described, I would be more concerned with having a continued relationship with my daughter then worrying about whether she is making the right decision. The last thing I would want to do is push my daughter and her "maybe future husband" away from me and destroying a future relationship with her.
pardon the intrusion. I am retired navy. been out a long time. My 18 YO has gotten enguaged to a young airman out of boot camp three weeks. they have been dating for 5 months and only known each other for maybe 6. she is still in in high school.
what I am looking for if support for them. I do not dislike the young man. He is the first ever in his family to serve our country. I come from 4 generations of military. you can insert all the fatherly fears here, and I will move on to the fact I am trying to get them to wait, to do premarital counceling, do a heavy crash course in getting to know each other. and find every resource I can to give to them.
they are shooting for august. at this point they are not being very forthcoming about thier plans. I have just stepped back sent an apology to the young man. ASked him to spend a few minutes and let me know what was on his mind. how he would like to procede to getting to know each other. and I would sit and write my concerns down. edit them and wait for his responce before sending them. he Just turned 20 so I piled on them pretty heavy with all teh negative issuees they will face. the problems witht his and of course that ended up with my wife and i being shut out and alienated. he is in Tx and she lives here at home with us in NC until she graduates high school. at least that was last I was informed.
So what can you share with me.
trying to keep it together.
You are a wonderful father to be looking out for your daughter. From the perspective of a daddy's girl (me ;)), it doesn't matter how you phrase it, how you try to talk reason with her, or how you share your experience... she's in LOOOOOOOVE, and may have to find out the challenges of life and marriage the hard way. If it ends up being a mistake, well... it happens to the best of us, too. You could possible try a little reverse psychology with her. Since you're already noticing that they are not telling you all their plans, I'd talk to her and tell her no matter what she decides that you are there for her. Tell her you're on her side, and that as a very young woman, you just want the best for her. The support will go a long way (even if you have to bite your cheek to choke the words out). I know this must be killing you, watching your little girl (still in your eyes) make a very adult decision... one that is life changing. But, she is eighteen and can legally make this decision on her own. The main thing you want to remember is there are several different roads you can take. Which one is going to keep you close to your daughter, no matter the end result with this young man?
This is my situation almost exactly. I am 20 years old my fiancee is 19 and he's been in the Army for a year and a half. He's still in high school. We've been together for 2 years. We are planning on getting married in June before he leaves for AIT.
If your daughter is anything like me she's probably going crazy. My dad...well both of my parents...have been telling me all the things that could and would go wrong and all the negatives. I do love him and I'm happy. but I'm going crazy. I never wanted to let my parents down or make them not happy with a decision I've made but now after all of this I feel like that's what I'm doing.
If you really do like the guy she is with and she's happy with him what does it matter? what difference will it make if she waits another 6 years?
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