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Terrible dilemma - please help!

Thank you so much for your insights, suggestions, and sage advice.  Very helpful!!

First deployment, husband in Afghanistan and will not be returning until October.  I just learned that before he deployed, he utilized the services of at least one escort at least twice.  I am devastated.  I do not know whether to tell him that I know and risk him having a meltdown of some sort, or to just wait until he gets back.  Unfortunately, this is not the first time that something like this has happened.  However, it will be the last.  I am 99% sure that I no longer want to be in the marriage.  I will always love and care for him, and wish him well.  I don't want to jeopardize his mission or do anything to undermine his well-being in theatre.  But, I just don't know how much longer I can go on pretending with him that everything is fine.  Setting aside for the moment that I am a walking train-wreck, deeply depressed (seeking help), and feel like I am living in a nightmare, I cannot decide whether to tell him before he returns or wait until he gets back.  I cannot be the first to go through this.  I just can't believe that this happened to us...again, and under these circumstances.  Please help.

If you know for sure that you want a divorce I would say to wait until he gets back and settled before telling him anything.  If you say something while he is over there it could just end up putting more stress on the both of you.  You can't really finalize a divorce while he is over seas anyways, so just take the time to look through your options and make a plan for yourself.  If the fact that you know what he has been up to is eating away at you, just let him know what you have found and let him admit or deny, but say nothing to him about your plans of getting out of the marriage while he is deployed.  Soldiers overseas have been known to do stupid stuff under those kind of situations. If you still care for him the best thing that you can do is help him transition back into a routine at home before you leave.

Military One Source - 1.800.342.9647   http://www.militaryonesource.mil/MOS/f?p=MOS:HOME:0::::
That is where you need to start and request counseling for yourself and do it before you talk to him.  You are authorized up to 12 free sessions and it can really help you out.  Then you decide what you want to do including if you are willing to give this relationship a second chance if he is willing to get couple counseling (another 12 sessions).  Another option for you now is to write out everything that you are feeling in that you are going to send it to him.  You don't have to at all or you can later on after you have done some counseling. 

Quoted


First deployment, husband in Afghanistan and will not be returning until October.  I just learned that before he deployed, he utilized the services of at least one escort at least twice.  I am devastated.  I do not know whether to tell him that I know and risk him having a meltdown of some sort, or to just wait until he gets back.  Unfortunately, this is not the first time that something like this has happened.  However, it will be the last.  I am 99% sure that I no longer want to be in the marriage.  I will always love and care for him, and wish him well.  I don't want to jeopardize his mission or do anything to undermine his well-being in theatre.  But, I just don't know how much longer I can go on pretending with him that everything is fine.  Setting aside for the moment that I am a walking train-wreck, deeply depressed (seeking help), and feel like I am living in a nightmare, I cannot decide whether to tell him before he returns or wait until he gets back.  I cannot be the first to go through this.  I just can't believe that this happened to us...again, and under these circumstances.  Please help.

 
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