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First time fiance deployment advice :(

First I want to say your post really got me thinking. I can remember when I was first dating Eric (now my husband). He was gearing up to go to Iraq--I knew this getting involved with an infantryman. I met him through a pen pal service and before he was ready to go to the sandbox he wanted to meet. I agreed and, well, the rest is on Good Morning America (not kidding--google Tiffanie DiDonato GMA video). Like you, I felt so frustrated and angry. I couldn't help but think during my friends courtships with their man they got to go on dates and spend every waking hour together. And here Eric and I were struggling with gaining a 2 minute clear connection with the phone or internet.

 I want open up my response and suggestion to you with first and foremost; stay strong and remember deployments though seemingly long and never ending are only temporary. And I hope that in my next suggestion below you don't find me too blunt or direct or out of line...My goal is to only suggest something OUT OF THE BOX.

Second, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tiffanie DiDonato, I'm a Marine wife, a new mom and also an author. I was also born with a rare form of dwarfism called Diastrophic Dysplasia. In essence it is a long winded term to mean I would never be taller than 3'8". At age 15 I underwent the controversial bone lengthening procedure.Originally I was told I could only receive 3-4". I'm happy to say through this surgery I grew a staggering 14" (something never done before). I am now 4'10!

This brings me to your situation--when I was struggling with recovery from the surgery (we're talking 2 years of constant physical therapy) I wrote in a journal. I detailed everything I felt and endured and eventually it lead to my memoir, "DWARF: How one woman fought for a body--and a life--she was never supposed to have."

I can't help but wonder if writing will help you  cope with frustration, irritation and pain, too? I'm not talking about writing simple letters. I feel like you're already doing that anyway--which is great! But, what if you created a story similar to, say, 50 Shades of Grey? And this is where I hope you forgive my forwardness. Since you are newly engaged and the anxst and heated passion that comes from this time in your marriage (or that's supposed to be if Uncle Sam wouldn't butt in) this story could star you and him as main characters.

And each month or few weeks or every other day is a new chapter that you send. It may give him something to look forward to receiving and suddenly the frustrations you all face are in the background. And lord knows it will give you both a hot topic to discuss if that connection ever gets it's act together. If anything else, it may give you both some well deserved laughs! Perhaps, to mix things up a bit, he could always write a chapter to follow yours and send it back to you. Then, you pick up where he left off and so on and so forth. Maybe include some special areas or venus that you both spent time in--personalize it!

Let's face some truths here. With deployments comes a lot of sexual tension and it compounds with everything else going on in the day--bad connections, having next to no one in a similar situation, undeclared homecoming dates--it all jumbles into one ball.This could take your mind off things. And it very well help take his mind off things, too.

It's something different, a bit scandalous and a lot of fun. And, of course, only my humble suggestion. One thing I have learned being a military wife is you can't be afraid to mix things up a bit. It helps get you through the constant redundancy of deployments.

Here if you need me,

Tiffanie

Proud Marine Wife

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I think everyone goes through those same emotions for the first deployment (and probably more than just the first, but I've only been through one myself).  I didn't get to talk to my boyfriend every day, but I did write to him every day to tell him all of the trivial stuff, and at the end of the week  I'd mail out a 3+ page letter.  He loved it, and when he had the chance, he'd do the same.  Also, if he's deployed to a base with Marines, motomail is a great resource (www.motomail.us).  Essentially on your end, it's like an e-mail, but at the base it's printed off and put into an envelope (all confidentially) and delivered to him like a letter.  The only downside really is that the length is limited.   If I remember correctly, supposedly you were able to attach a picture to the letter too, but I never figured out how.

Welp, this is my first time posting on this site, or any site like this. I'm not an official spouse yet, but I will be in April 2013! I'm super excited! I just dont know how to feel with all of this. I have never had an experience with the military before, so I'm definitely a newbie to the military spouse community and have no idea where to turn, so I figured this might be the right option. My fiance is active duty airforce, and didn't think he would be deployed within the next six months. However, we got engaged in April and then suddenly a couple weeks  later, he's deployed. 

We're almost a month in, and it has been quite the emotional rollercoaster. We have no idea when he is coming home and I'm struggling with how to feel about it all. I am sad that I cant share even daily, trivial experiences with him anymore. The internet connection where he is staying is zero to none, so skype dates are more frustrating than they are comforting. The first week was ok, I cried off and on but felt very confident that the time would go by quickly and things would be fine. Now, about a month in, I am feeling a ton of frustration towards everything: him, the deployment, everything! When we skype and the call drops every minute just makes my frustration worse. I love him so much, and we miss each other like crazy, but anymore I feel numb to the whole situation. I dream all day about finally getting to talk to him, and then when the moment comes, I get irritated, sad, and dont talk very much. We communicate very well, so I have told him how I feel, but that just makes him feel like it is his fault, and he appologizes. I have explained to him that he is definitely not at fault. He hasn't done anything wrong, I love him just as much as I always have and always will,  I just have no idea why I feel/ am acting this way! Is this normal? All I can do is look forward to his homecoming, but I dont know when that is so it's just so confusing :(

 



Quoted


Welp, this is my first time posting on this site, or any site like this. I'm not an official spouse yet, but I will be in April 2013! I'm super excited! I just dont know how to feel with all of this. I have never had an experience with the military before, so I'm definitely a newbie to the military spouse community and have no idea where to turn, so I figured this might be the right option. My fiance is active duty airforce, and didn't think he would be deployed within the next six months. However, we got engaged in April and then suddenly a couple weeks  later, he's deployed. 

We're almost a month in, and it has been quite the emotional rollercoaster. We have no idea when he is coming home and I'm struggling with how to feel about it all. I am sad that I cant share even daily, trivial experiences with him anymore. The internet connection where he is staying is zero to none, so skype dates are more frustrating than they are comforting. The first week was ok, I cried off and on but felt very confident that the time would go by quickly and things would be fine. Now, about a month in, I am feeling a ton of frustration towards everything: him, the deployment, everything! When we skype and the call drops every minute just makes my frustration worse. I love him so much, and we miss each other like crazy, but anymore I feel numb to the whole situation. I dream all day about finally getting to talk to him, and then when the moment comes, I get irritated, sad, and dont talk very much. We communicate very well, so I have told him how I feel, but that just makes him feel like it is his fault, and he appologizes. I have explained to him that he is definitely not at fault. He hasn't done anything wrong, I love him just as much as I always have and always will,  I just have no idea why I feel/ am acting this way! Is this normal? All I can do is look forward to his homecoming, but I dont know when that is so it's just so confusing :(

 

 

 

My Fiance is in the Air National Guard but, also works at McGuire as Federal Technician during the week. When he deployed we were only dating for a year and within that year we had been apart from eachother for 6 of those months due to training and other work related things. Like you I am very new to the whole military world.

I might not be the best person to answer your question but, I will try and help. I did go through a lot of the same emotions that you are going through. Although I was lucky enough to be able to talk to him every day the reception was not always good and like you said the call would drop in the middle of a conversation. It does get very frustrating and for mr the deployment was an emotional roller coaster. I would suggest that you write letters to eachother. That way you can tell him about your day and he can do the same (as much as possible anyway) You can send him pictures or care packages even if they are just silly things to remind him of you and he can do the same.

Also try and stay busy. If you have friends and family around try to use them as your support system because it is really important as well as comming onto this site. If you ever want to talk you can PM me. Like I said I'm not as seasoned as most of the women on this site but, I am more then happy to listen if your having a bad day or just need to get your frustration out.  I wish you the best.

 

Ruth

 

 
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