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35 Things Military Spouses NEVER Say

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Oh there are a ton of these lists circulating around the internet, we know. And we are pretty fond of a good Top Ten list here at Military Spouse. But get a few seasoned spouses who are able to laugh at all the crazy, wonderful things we sometimes encounter in this lifestyle together, and, well… we can top a Top Ten any day of the week! So, without further ado, we introduce to you a list that will have you laughing in more cute acronyms you can think of. Enjoy, and then share… and perhaps add a few of your own…

35 Things Military Spouses NEVER Say!

35) Here is my social security number.

34) You broke my grandmothers china? That’s ok I wanted to get rid of it anyway.

33) Having a baby alone is an awesome adventure.

32) Of course your mother can have the first kiss!

31) Your deployment was extended by three months? That’s great news!

30) We are moving and I can’t graduate? I didn’t want these credits to count anyway.

29) So glad the pharmacy is packed, I wanted to read the Hunger Games trilogy today.

28) I love going to the commissary on pay day.

27) I feel bad, because we get paid so much!

26) I’ve gotten a PhD, started my own business, birthed 2 kids alone, survived 10 deployments, made 12 PCS moves and can overhaul the engines on both cars… I love being called a “dependant”!


25) Gosh, I am really sick of seeing him in that dress uniform.

24) I feel so bad that your husband doesn’t get off of work until 5:30. Every. Single. Day.

23) I’d just like to be alone on Valentine’s Day.

22) My husband has never asked me to send him a nude picture.

21) Having absolutely no idea where my spouse is in the middle of a war zone for weeks at a time, just adds to the mystery of our relationship.

20) We never have enough Ibuprofen in the house!

19) Navigating the Tricare system is so easy.

18) I understand everything my servicemember says.

17) Driving cross country with 3 kids, 2 dogs, and a goldfish only brings the family closer.

16) I love white walls

15) I just got a tattoo that says “Hurry Up and Wait!”

14) I think honeymoons should only be taken for your 20th anniversary.

13) Last minute announcements of duty get me excited, because it’s another quality night alone with the kids.


12) Yes! Another unaccompanied tour!

11) I can never find my ID card.

10) I knew EXACTLY what I was getting into when I married him.

9) Every civilian I meet just “gets it”!

8) The weight listed on my ID card is 100% accurate.

7) I just filled out my damage claims from our move. That was super easy!

6) Civilians always ask the best questions. Always.

5) Hollywood military films are always so accurate!

4) I love that a serial killer’s “job” keeps him in one location longer than my husbands does.

3) I always look so skinny on Skype.

2) My son, a senior in high school, loved moving the week before prom.

1) I’ve had entirely too much sex during my marriage.


Article developed with collaboration from Babette Maxwell and Kate Dolack

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