To the New Spouse of a Scary MOS:
You know who you are.
Welcome to our tribe.
You may or may not have had the distinction of growing up or living near a military community. The language, the abbreviations, the uniforms — it can be totally overwhelming. I feel you.
In addition to adjusting to military life, you just might now be realizing that your person has a different job. Many things cannot be shared, his or her schedule and deployment tempo looks drastically different from your neighbor’s. Your relationship might even look a little different — some of these gigs require more dependent independence than others. However, combat stress is never an excuse for abuse. Love is always, always respect.
1. You must guard your peace.
The media is not your friend; that includes the apps on your smart phone. Turn it off and don’t play the online comparison game or troll news sites to guess where your person might be. Learn to appreciate the silence — and if the worst happens — they will let you know. Pursue what brings calm, when the military brings chaos. Realize your limitations with time and energy and do a few things well. Make them healthy pursuits- that make you a better version of yourself.
2. Protect your marriage.
Don’t over schedule a four-day weekend. Sleep in, cuddle, hold hands when you can. Be a safe place, an incredible listener and someone who can bring comfort in the silence. You won’t be able to understand what they have seen. They won’t be able to share where they have been. Don’t grow resentful — this is a unique calling and you have the honor and privilege to be married to a person who is able to do this incredibly difficult job well.
3. Defend your home.
You are already a family — whether it’s two people, five, blended, and/or fur-babies. If you find yourself parenting in this wild military life, be mindful of what your children hear you say. Their imaginations are limitless and don’t need further encouragement to be anxious. Utilize on-post resources for support and seek professional help if needed for you or your people. Let your home be a refuge for your family.