I Don’t Need a Tribe and Maybe You Don’t Either

military spouse tribe

Tribe. It’s a word used to describe our close-knit friendship circles of love and support. It is also said that we need them to survive this crazy thing called life.

I get it. Kids, spouse, friends, careers, school, just life leaves us needing a source to lean on that understands us and loves us just the same. But…tribes can get tricky. One thing I have learned is that the more people in your tribe, the stickier it can become. The larger your tribe, the harder it becomes to stay connected. And, I know it’s an unpopular opinion, but I am not a triber. And if we are real with ourselves, a lot of us aren’t either. And that is okay.

I am more for those solid friendships that stand the test of time. I am a firm believer that true friends don’t use the mantra “Friendships can last without talking to each other consistently.” I am not saying everyday communication is necessary, but I do speak to my closest friends weekly. Whether it is by text or phone, we communicate. No relationship can survive without normal communication.

My friends are there when I am having a mental breakdown, check me when I am trippin’, force me to examine if I am a problem, cheer for me when I win and catch me when I take a loss. They know my darkest and brightest secrets and even if we fall out or never speak (which won’t happen, by the way). I can say with a 100 percent certainty that my secrets won’t be told to anyone out of spite. We plan trips as families, we have girls trips, we help each other with our goals, WE ARE FAMILY. I can’t say that about a tribe. What I have noticed about most tribes is that there is one type of person in each one and that the people in it interchange often.

I prefer those friendships that survive moving from duty station to duty station. Those that aren’t JUST mil-spouse friends. I am so incredibly blessed to have the friends I do. I met each of them at the exact time I was meant to and they have been a staple in my life ever since.

So no, I do not have a tribe. And I surely don’t have a lot of friends. I have a small circle of amazing, crazy friendships that I wouldn’t and couldn’t in the world trade for anything. Not even Beyonce’s entire friendship squad and a gallon of red velvet ice cream.

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