Don’t Let Your Little Ones Suck the Love From Your Marriage


Like, seriously. I crave his hugs when he’s gone and I still get girly excited when he walks in the door. But I made a BIG mistake that sucked out some of the passion in our marriage. I didn’t realize how much he loved me back OR how much he actually wanted to be around me. I didn’t realize that he still enjoyed dating me and missed our time together. I didn’t prioritize that aspect of our lives because, well, I was busy with the kids.

Raising twin toddlers (they were two at the time), I thought he understood that I was just trying to keep my head above water. They were born in Okinawa so we’ve never had family nearby to help and ONCE AGAIN, we were at a new duty station. I’m trying to create new friendships, build trust, learn the area and fight what I call the “lonely’s.”

I was educating the kids at home, hauling them to playgroups, library story time, trying to keep the house clean and, at the same time, cook a smokin’ dinner. Let’s not forget that I run a business too. Shouldn’t I get the BME award (Best MOM Ever)? According to him, yes. He would never deny that I am a great mom, but one day he said:

“I feel like you put the kids before me.”

If I could have sucked in ALL of the air on ALL of the Earth I would have. That’s how BIG my gasp was! But after I got over being offended and LISTENED to WHY he felt this way, then I totally got it. Being the best mom and a sucky wife is No Bueno.

Because, think about it, we could have hired someone to do all of the things I was doing for the kids, but he needed me to LOVE him. It’s like me accepting him going to work everyday and doing the heavy lifting around the house as an act of love, without him ever fulfilling my heart needs.

So we had a lot of hard conversations. After figuring out what’s important to both of us, we are back on track and better than before! Since I’ve been on both sides of this, that makes me a pro, right? Here’s my advice.

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