When your spouse has been deployed for months and you miss them every day, you can’t wait to put pen to paper to pour out our love to your spouse and try to feel connected to them while they’re away. However, as much as you may want to tell your spouse everything, there are some things you shouldn’t write to your deployed spouse.

Here are a few things to remember NOT to write about to your spouse in a deployment letter.

1. “I can’t do this…”

No matter how much you love your spouse, the fact is that EVERY military spouse has thought this at one point or another, even if they didn’t mean it. When your heart is hundreds of miles away from you on a ship or in a foreign land, it’s easy to feel like you just can’t go on sometimes, but do not write this is in a letter to your deployed spouse.

If you love them enough to be on this adventure with them, they need to hear your words of strength and love, NOT your moments of doubt.

2. Murphy’s Law Incidents

Ah, the deployment curse, how we military spouses loathe you. Is it just me or does it seem like the second your spouse leaves, what can go wrong, WILL go wrong?

As tempting as it may be to gripe to your spouse about the fact that the plumbing broke for the umpteenth time or your car’s battery died, if it’s a problem you can fix yourself, ignore the urge to burden your spouse with it while they are on deployment.

3. “Why haven’t you written me back?”

This may seem like an obvious one, but it can get VERY frustrating when you’re waiting on pins and needles to hear from them and to know if they’re ok.

Try not to take this frustration out on your spouse. Remember that your spouse may not always be able to contact you due to travel or security reasons and trust they will contact you as soon as they are able to.