2) You have no desire to play the “Will this housing office be reasonable or insane” game of chance. There are some really good housing offices… and then, well there are the others. And the others are lumped into two categories from my perspective.

First we have the “Care about Nothing” housing office: This is the housing office that seems to think it is perfectly acceptable for every house on the block to have an 8-foot inflatable Santa in their front yard in February. The maintenance office is not concerned that your front door won’t lock, or that the oven only has two temperatures– 235 and burn everything upon impact.

They tell you to invest in good ear plugs if you call to complain that your neighbor’s three dogs (wait, isn’t there a two dog limit?) bark non-stop from zero-dark thirty to, well, eternity.

Every interaction you have EVER had with them feels like you are begging a neglectful parent to please just look in your general direction. That is… when you get any interaction.

Phone calls and emails go unanswered. Until your spouse’s BAH goes up by $7 per month. Then all of a sudden… you can’t get them to stop calling you until that allotment is changed.

Then we have the “Care about Everything” housing office: don’t you dare have one little leftover 3-inch Santa cling on the inside of your window, on the backside of your house on Jan. 2.

Displays of holiday decorations after the allotted time will result in a ticket.

The maintenance office will respond immediately to any and all concerns, but you are too scared to call them after they showed up last time to fix the leaking sink and mysteriously you got a Santa cling ticket the next day.

Your cat meowed too loudly once while a window was cracked in your home and you got a notice asking if it was an aggressive feline breed.

Every interaction you have ever had with them feels like you have just been dragged into the principal’s office. Especially when your spouse’s BAH goes up by $3.50. You are scared to death until your husband confirms that yes, the allotment has been changed.

It’s a gamble. So I guess you have to ask yourself… are you feelin’ lucky?

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