By Heather Walrath at Words From Wandering
Summer is what we in the military call the PCS Season (Permanent Change of Station). While you can PCS any time in the military, summer is most common…it’s “the season.”
Chances are, if you live in a “military town” you might have a new military family move in next door. Heck, we even move to places that aren’t “military towns,” so who knows? Your next neighbor might wear combat boots no matter where you live. My husband has been serving for almost 22 years. During that time, I have had 9 different houses. And sometimes, our new neighbors just don’t quite know what to make of us. Let me tell you a few things about your new military neighbors.
1. We Want To Be Here
Now, let’s get this straight. We don’t get to choose the next assignment. You do get some say. Sometimes they listen, but usually they don’t. I have literally cried when I learned where our next home would be. Not places I picked. But by the time we arrive to your neighborhood, we really want to be there. When the orders finally arrive, after months of wondering where we will go next, there is a sense of relief. Then, we go into major research mode…where is the best house, the best school, the best commuting options? Where are the best sports programs? The best scout troops? The best gyms? We chose to be in your neighbor because after days and hours of research, your neighborhood had all the important things for our family. We really want to be HERE.
2. We Are GREAT Renters
Yes, the house down the street goes up as a rental, and the neighborhood panics! Not RENTERS!! But, we usually rent because we honestly have no idea how long we will be somewhere. Or, we already own 1 or 2 houses somewhere else where we became unintentional landlords when the assignment got cut short and we couldn’t sell. We pay a premium to rent…probably more than your mortgage, because we want THIS house and THIS neighborhood (and no, the government does not pay for our housing).
We want something beautiful. Stop in a few days after the truck has left (yes, we want you to!) and you will see pictures hung, curtains up, and a home. We want to get settled. The moves are frequent, but the desire to have our own house is fierce. We will make it our own. Even though we are “just renters” we will tend the yard and plant the flowers and do a lot of the maintenance ourselves, because we crave the normalcy of being a homeowner. We won’t make your property value go down!
3. We Want To Be Involved
The easiest way for us to transition is to be involved in our community from day one. We want to pitch in. The fastest way for us to recover from the heartbreak we have from leaving our friends behind is to make more friends. We want friends. While our kids never had the opportunity to go to the same school we did, to stay in one school since kindergarten, or to live in the house that used to belong to their grandparents, we come with different advantages–new perspectives. My kids went to 4 elementary schools. I saw what worked, what didn’t. We might be newcomers, but be open to our ideas! We have traveled the world and can give you some insights for FREE. You don’t even have to hire those fancy consultants!
4. No, I Don’t Work. But I’m Smart. Will You Hire Me???
Many military spouses have advanced degrees and have had professional lives. Then, they met their active duty spouses who move frequently, deploy with little notice, work 60 hour weeks regularly, and just simply sometimes CAN’T be there for the kids due to the mission. We try to continue our careers, but often there is no childcare available. Or you get a job, but suddenly Dad is in Afghanistan and you are the only one left to Uber the kids to their activities and to show up at all the events. 3 jobs in 2 years due to your moves just doesn’t look too favorable to potential employers. Or, they don’t hire you because you are a military spouse and you will just move again. In the end, somebody has to provide that stability and safety net for the kids. So I said goodbye to my career and instead throw myself into any volunteer opportunities so I can use my talents but have the flexibility to hold down the homefront. But, I a smart, productive, professional, and I can be your friend!
5. Yes, We Might Move Again. But Our Friendship is Worth It.
I have experienced people telling me that they don’t want their kids to be friends with a military kid because it is too hard when they leave after a few years. I get it. It is hard to be the one left behind. But, do you skip college because it is only a few years and it will be too hard to say goodbye to your friends? Do you avoid a dream vacation because it will only last a bit and then you have to come home again? The best thing about military life is the ability to have so many different people become a part of your life. Friendships are gifts, no matter how long they last. Don’t be afraid to let you or your kids open their heart to a new friend. We have a lot to give and share. Besides, we will teach you how to keep in touch. We have become professionals. Plus, maybe we WON’T move again. It happens.
So, when you find out that new family in your neighborhood is a military family, don’t shrink away. The truth is, despite the fact we have done this moving thing before, we are probably lonely and full of questions. We are weary of starting over and having to put ourselves out there. But, we have lots of wine to share, are eager to jump into that carpool rotation, are happy to contribute to the potluck, will be the room parent at the school we know nothing about, and promise to always have that cup of sugar available. We try so hard to bloom where we are planted, but it works best when we get fertilized with a little local love. So, we’ll see you at the playground, or on the porch for that glass of wine! Don’t forget to say hi with your mouth…and your heart.
From Words From Wandering: For the last 20 years I have wandered the USA…following my husband’s Air Force career. I have seen placed I never wanted to live turn into places I never wanted to leave. I have answered the callings of the moment, transforming myself like a chameleon to sometime blend in, and other times to fill the time. Life happens. You meet people that stay in your heart forever…some that make you stronger and some that test you and make you feel weak. My wanderings have given me experiences that sometimes make me speak up, and sometimes make me move on. I have things to say…sometimes about nothing. I have words that have come to me from the wandering. Join my adventures as I continue to discover…and often times reinvent….myself.
