5 Reasons Why Your Networking Isn’t Working

Military spouses have a unique opportunity to be master networkers. If we look just at how many times we move, or the fact that we often live in very transient communities, we come in contact with lots of folks. That's why military spouse networking is so key. Add to that the fact that, perhaps due to high unemployment numbers or just a desire to become involved in the many communities we find ourselves in, volunteerism is high among military spouses…you have a recipe for some great networking ability. But while we may have tons of people in our circles, many of us may find that we are not really utilizing the relationships to the best of our ability. Our networking as military spouses is simply not working. Certainly, making friends and finding opportunities to be around others in our community shouldn’t always come from a desire to network ourselves for personal, professional or financial gain. But having a solid network of individuals can have many benefits outside of these arenas, and to be honest, can ease some of the burden and/or loneliness of military spouse life. So if you find yourself knowing a whole lot of people, but not being able to maximize those relationships, how can you improve your networking skills? Here are a few reasons your networking might just not be working for you…and how to turn that around. 1. Focusing on what THEY can do for YOU When we think of networking in terms of what we can get out of the deal, we are missing the mark. The most influential networkers I know are the ones who never keep score, and who genuinely think of what value they can provide to other people. And it pays off. Being the person on whom folks can depend to answer a question, find a solution, or connect them with like-minded individuals makes you a valuable commodity. When you do it with zero agenda and with no expectation of a return, you become a TRUSTED commodity. Besides, keeping score is time-consuming and stressful. What can YOU do for others--it’s a much easier question to answer. 2. Being a know-it-all. None of us have all the answers, thank goodness. There is no shame in admitting that perhaps you are not the right person to answer a question or to head up a project. What is more valuable is getting to know the strengths of others in your network and being able to connect them with others who may benefit from their experience or knowledge. It’s great if you have expertise in a certain area and people can count on you for answers in that particular space. But in every given field or arena, you may not have all the answers. Don't ever pretend that you do, but do be the person who can find the answer or find the person who is better served to assist in the matter. 8 Professional Organizations with Jobs for Military Spouses 3. Giving up after the first email or message. How many emails, texts, phone calls, Facebook messages, etc. do you receive each day? If you are anything like me, you are inundated with communication with people on a daily basis, and it can be overwhelming. I usually have 20 texts, 40 Facebook messages and 200 emails unread and unanswered at any given time. It’s not that I don’t care about the people who are contacting me, it’s just that I have this crazy thing called “life” pulling me from a million directions. Most of us would never get a single thing done, our children would go unfed, and we would never shower if we stopped to answer every message we received when our phone gave us the alert. Don’t assume that an unanswered message means that someone doesn’t want to meet for coffee or discuss the project you talked about when you met. More than likely it just means the message got buried in the black hole of communications. You don’t have to be a pest, but sending a follow-up message (or 10), when done respectfully, is key. 4. It’s called SOCIAL media. Not SELLING media . Look, I get it. Many military spouses, including myself, have become entrepreneurs so that they can contribute to the family finances despite moving frequently. There is nothing to be ashamed of when the way you contribute is by selling a product or service, but doing it constantly online can really harm your network. Finding a balance is key. Consider creating a business page, and even then, focus on providing valuable content (most of which is NOT your own), solving problems, and answering questions. When that is your focus, people are more apt to trust the value of the product or service you are selling. Just remember: K.I.S.S (Keep It Social, Silly) 5. Pretending to be someone you are not. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million times over: perfection is overrated. Most of us have some areas in our life in which we excel, some that we simply manage and others where we fail on a regular basis. You know what? That’s perfectly fine. (See what I did there?) Trying to project an image that we have it all together all the time can be pretty intimidating to others who, like us, are beautifully imperfect. Yes, making a good first impression is important, but it’s not always realistic. Being your genuine self on a regular basis, even in your not-so-perfect moments, helps you foster more meaningful connections with others because you are relatable. Be yourself and then create an environment where others can be too… flaws and all. Military spouse life affords us a unique opportunity to foster relationships with many different kinds of people, with a variety of skills, life experiences and connections. Having a strong network can benefit us socially and professionally when we remember to focus on others, provide value, follow-up, be ourselves and connect others. It’s a recipe for networking success! Connect with us on Facebook!

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