By Abby Huisman, age 14
Most military families understand the struggle of moving, but how does it affect military kids, especially teenagers? As a military-connected teen, I’ve moved nine times in my life and attended six different schools. I’ve had my share of sitting alone at lunch and doing group projects by myself. Probably the biggest source of anxiety for myself and most teens is the restarting of their social support system at a new school. By the time we are in our teens, there are pre-set groups that typically have been together for a decade. It’s very hard to break into these friendship circles in middle school and high school. It’s even harder when a parent is deployed or living separate from us—it can be very unsettling at home and at school.
At a new school, students who have lived in the same place for years already know which classes to take and which teachers are the nicest, but military kids, we are clueless, and it’s a major source of anxiety for us. The smallest things like not knowing where the bathrooms are or what lunch in the cafeteria may look like can be a source of panic or feeling very vulnerable. Teens are walking a fine line with their mental health when they feel this way.
Teens struggle with insecurities, stress, and other mental health hardships. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 13% of 10- to 19-year-olds struggle with a mental disorder. But in a recent study conducted by National Military Family Association and BLOOM Teens, a study of military teens found more than 40% reported low mental well-being, often because of separations and a lack of connections in their lives.
But there are many ways schools and parents can make it easier. Encouraging kids to join a sport, dance class, or after school program or anything that forces them to connect with others in a natural setting doing something they enjoy. It takes the awkwardness out of meeting new people. These are gateways for new students to achieve a sense of belonging to the school or a group of peers. More importantly, a student should try speaking with their teacher or counselor to help them adjust. In my experience, teachers and counselors are always helpful when they know a student is in need.Schools should consider starting a student ambassador program, or changing the seating arrangement to feel more connected. When it’s time to go back to (a new) school, military teens need to feel seen and valued just like everyone else. School programs, teachers, and parents can help us connect with our peers and our school through the simple act of being aware of our challenges and helping us navigate through uncertainty. Once we feel connected, we will thrive on our own.