Military kids and their parents share their school experiences during the pandemic.
Fourteen year old Josh wakes up slowly, blinking the sleep from his eyes. The alarm clock says it’s 7:30 am. It’s Tuesday morning, he thinks. He’s not exactly sure because every day feels the same attending virtual high school during a pandemic. After another nudge and gentle smile from his mother, Josh rolls out of bed to grab his school issued computer. He powers on the black screen, logs on and slides back under the covers. He jumps right into Algebra class, where the teachers welcome him and others to the virtual room. Other black boxes begin to appear on the screen with names. The chat box begins to fill with “I’m here” as the attendance is being taken. Those are Josh’s classmates and his only interaction with his peers in the last seven months since he moved to Northern Virginia.
Josh moved to the area over the summer, during the height of the pandemic. His father is an active duty Army officer. It’s his 7th school, he’s a freshman this year. He’s used to being the new kid. He’ll be the first to tell you being the new kid is never easy, but you get used to being uncomfortable. However, this year, he’s beyond being uncomfortable, he’s numb.
“It’s different, it’s much much harder. I haven’t met anyone, there’s no opportunity to really make friends. Yeah, it sucks, I just want it to end so I can feel happy again. I want my life back.”
Josh spends nearly seven hours during the day, four days a week online staring at boxes on screens that are stand ins for friends. He spends another two to three hours online for homework daily. And because he hasn’t made any real connections in the community, he spends another four to five hours on YouTube or online gaming playing with random users – his only authentic interaction with peers. He moved from overseas, so the only friends he has are in completely different hemispheres.
His parents have done everything they could think of. They’ve emailed their school asked about new student or buddy programs, joined after school clubs, reached out to his counselor, sports clubs for exercise, turned to social media for help connecting… nothing has really panned out. Josh’s mom says,
“He went from this excited bright young kid to someone who is checked out. I feel like he’s lost that spark, that joy. He’s been through lots of disruption in his life, but this feels very different. I feel like I’m losing my kid to this damn pandemic.”
Josh isn’t alone in feeling disconnected. Avery, a 14-year freshman in Colorado is feeling the frustration of being new and online. She says it’s taking a toll on her mentally.
“I feel, more than anything, disconnected from not only my school and sports, but from my own life. It feels like I am watching somebody else live out their life.”
Avery says she’s tried to get involved more in clubs, but with restrictions and technology issues, it is less than easy to connect with others. Academically, there seems to be a slow down in learning across the board for bright, academically driven military kids.
“I feel so bored in all of my classes as we have to slow down, since most kids are failing. The online curriculum does not work. As a military kid, I feel that the challenge in classes has significantly decreased. Because so many kids don’t do work, we have to slow down, or even cut things from the curriculum (Honors/AP classes). I wish I could go back to the enjoyable challenge that I had last fall.”
Avery is saying what many high school students are feeling – they are in an academic harness, a year long pause in their learning.
Many military families across the country are feeling the isolation of education in a new community. Feelings of loneliness and disconnectedness due to the pandemic are layered on top the expected bumps and bruises of school transition. LIsa O. is a Marine spouse living in Hawaii is worried about her military kids, too. She moved over the summer with her husband and two children during the pandemic.
“We moved this summer and went straight to online school. No sports at all. I have 12th grade and 8th grade boys and they just have no way to meet any kids at all. We live in a very small community and so it’s been hard for them to not have anyone to do anything with at all. It’s been a challenge with strict lockdown and shelter in place orders and having no local friends has been incredibly challenging for my boys. My senior has already checked out.”
Kelly Baker, a Navy spouse in the Northern Virginia area, is having the same concerns as other fellow military spouses when it comes to their kids’ mental health and academics. She’s seen a decline in grades and staying connected.
“This year has been very difficult for my 10th grade daughter. She is normally a B student with maybe a few Cs here and there, but so far she is failing three classes with Cs or Ds in a couple more. It’s been incredibly hard for her to be organized enough to keep track of everything, and I can’t exactly pinpoint why. I have started listening in on a few of her harder classes so I can help her keep track of assignments and what the teacher is telling them to do, etc. Some of her teachers have been responsive to emails from her/me, but others have not. It’s just been really hard to help her dig out of the hole she seems to be in, academically. We are worried that she won’t pass some of her core classes this year.”
Recently, more than a handful of large school districts around the country have released academic progress reports that have sounded alarms for the entire community. From Maryland to Oregon, Virginia to Texas – schools are reporting a huge spike in failing grades. The Washington Post reported Fairfax County Public School, which is located in a suburban area in our nation’s capital and has a large military-connected student population, is seeing extraordinary high failing grades.
“Between the last academic year and this one, the percentage of middle school and high school students earning F’s in at least two classes jumped by 83 percent: from 6 percent to 11 percent. By the end of the first quarter of 2020-2021, nearly 10,000 Fairfax students had scored F’s in two or more classes — an increase of more than 4,300 students as compared with the group who received F’s by the same time last year.”
It’s not just the older students who seem to be struggling, it’s the parents, too. Trying to make the right decisions when problems continue to change. Kim N. is an Air Force Spouse living in Florida with elementary school students. She’s questioning whether this pandemic might be the straw that breaks them.
“We are navigating a pandemic, trying to get my kids the school they deserve, I’m pregnant and extremely ill, and my husband is preparing for an upcoming deployment. As a “seasoned” spouse, I’ve been through a lot. Sometimes I wonder if this lifestyle is really conducive to my children. If we had the option to live anywhere, I would’ve moved to an area where my kids could get a full time quality education. I do plan to get them into counseling as I have seen behavioral issues arising already. My kids have been through so much and have sacrificed so much in such a short period of time. I want to make sure they have the appropriate resources to be successful.”
Pre Pandemic Challenges Worsen With Pandemic
Military Child Education Coalition (MCEC) released a survey, Milkids Now 2020, which highlighted trends, challenges in areas where support is most needed such as schools transition, academic and social/emotional support. However, the survey pre-dates the pandemic’s rise in April 2020, the mass school closings, delayed PCS, summer moves and effects of virtual learning. In other words, the challenges military kids faced prior to COVID have now deepened and widened with consequences.
The survey summary of the social and emotional impact of moving says, “Mobile children need time to adjust to and figure out how things work in an entirely new environment where the social norms may be very different from their previous location. Fitting in and being part of a group is paramount in their lives, where they are not a life-long native and often lack long-term connection. They may withdraw feeling fearful, anxious, lonely, isolated, scared, and disposable. Support is essential for these children. Students who responded to the survey asked for welcoming, acceptance, kindness, and somebody to reach out. Friendship programs, a buddy, and/or a teacher or staff member offering support are all welcomed by a new student.”
Parents have long known military-connected kids need to be settled emotionally before they can really focus on grades.Seasons of My Military Student: Practical Ideas for Parents and Teachers, a book focused on the supporting military students through school transitions, notes before a new student can acclimate and succeed academically, students must first adjust emotionally, which usually involves integrating into the social environment. During a pandemic using face masks and social distancing, it’s been a struggle for many kids to find a sure footing in their school community.
More than 420,000 military moves happen every year. Tens of thousands of military-connected students have recently moved, enrolled in a new school and are mostly experiencing something completely different than when they were last in a classroom. Josh’s and Avery’s experiences are potentially the new norm for many new high school students in virtual learning. Even for the younger military kids and those with special needs, moving to a new school and attending virtual has been extremely hard -for both parents and teachers.
Sarah, an Army spouse out of Fort Bragg, says this pandemic is taking a toll on her.
“My mental health has been greatly affected by the pandemic. Trying to work remotely, provide virtual school help for our four children, being alone while my husband was deployed to assist in the Army’s response to the pandemic and caring about the health of my father who is high-risk has all taken a huge toll on my mental health. My children have also been affected in different ways. The lack of social interaction for all of them has been hard, but others have suffered because they received special education services at the school and while they were virtual, those services stopped. This made doing school much harder and had a bit more of an impact on their stress level when it came to doing school work.”
Elementary school teacher Amy Phillips sees the disconnect on the screens. She’s a Navy spouse and teaches fourth grade virtually this year. Although learning from home has been so far successful for her kids, she recognizes some of her students are struggling.
“I have several military students-some new to the school and some here last year. Their experience is very different from my kids’ experience, even though I teach at the same school my kids attend. My new students are struggling to meet people and establish friendships. I do not know what they have as far as socialization in their neighborhoods, but in school it’s lacking. We offer a 20 minute recess-type socialization for students two days a week. Many of the newer military students attended them at first, but since no one knew them, they didn’t often get included in the conversation. ”
She says the school tries to connect and provide opportunities for students to connect, but it’s not as successful as they’d hoped. Phillips also is thinking ahead for her students academically in their next school transition.
“I am also concerned about kids who will move mid year or at the end of the year to a place that has had in person school the entire year. It will be a very tough transition back to school, especially with all new people. I am very worried about my students who are struggling with reading, because reading is a hard skill to work over Google Classroom with 20 other kids listening in.”
The news from Homefront is concerning. Families and educators won’t know the full extent of the pandemic’s education disruption of military families until late next year. But there are silver linings and good news stories out there. Military families have had at least one parent fully employed and quality health insurance throughout this crisis. Ops tempos have slowed and so have the number of deployments. There are more than a few positives for military families since the start of the pandemic – more time together as a family.
Tracy Coffey, a Navy spouse in Rhode Island, is happy for the break in their kids schedule.
“We eat dinner together every night. That hasn’t happened in years because of our family’s extra curricular activities. I know more of what my children are learning in school as well, because their lessons and assignments are much more accessible.”
Laura Cannon, Air Force spouse, also says her family has benefited from the forced shut down.
“My husband has a much better work life balance. He’s been home for dinner nearly every evening and this has been a rare thing during his active duty career. The pace of everything has slowed.”
As for Josh, his mother has reached out to the high school to help start a new student sponsor program for the future.
“This may not help Josh today, but we hope it will help other new students, military or not, who move to a new community and feel isolated. Helping others might be what we need to help us.”
If you or your child is struggling with mental health or academics in school, continue to reach out to professionals including school counselors and Military Family and Life Counselors. Military kids are known for their resilience but it’s not innate to everyone, resilience is something they build, not something they are born with. Check out the resources below for immediate help.
- Military One Source – free online, in person or over the phone counseling for adults and children.
- Tutor.com/military – free one-on-one tutoring for all subjects.