The mayhem of military moves, broken furniture, and missing bikes from the transit truck is upon us. The whole military community is in full swing for the 2024 spring and summer Permanent Change of Station (PCS) season. And while the majority of military families on the move are navigating this summer season with enough hope and humor to hold everything together, families who are adding the complex layer of military reintegration into the mix are feeling the weight of merging two lives back into one house (and bank account).
Summertime can be a struggle.
When service members are reintegrating, there are numerous challenges and communication opportunities for spouses and service members. From fighting over finances to the fury of fear surrounding the next season to come, the summertime struggle of shifting schedules and looming back-to-school stress can sometimes tip the scales.
So, we crafted 10 tips that might take the edge off of the sting of reintegration.
1. Establish Clear Communication and Expectations
Openly discuss household responsibilities, routines, and expectations. Try building a schedule or calendar to keep everyone organized and on track.
2. Shoot for Some Quality Time
Set aside dedicated time for one-on-one conversations and activities to reconnect with your spouse. Try intentionally grabbing a coffee chat or finding a new hobby to do together.
3.Talk…A Lot
Foster the safety for real communication- specifically focus on learning how to hear each other’s struggles.
4. Rest, and Do It Often
You are both going to be ridiculously tired and a little overwhelmed at all of the needs each of you are carrying. So, make some time for each of you to rest and recover. Do something you want to do- even if it is only for five minutes.
5. Collaborate on the Systems
Work together to establish consistent strategies and routines that run your home. We have to remember that we build systems that run as automatically as possible for our own sanity, but that these systems were built without our service member in mind. Communicate why these systems work and how you want them to integrate into them.
6. Bust the Budget
One of the hardest aspects of military reintegration is the dreaded dollars and cents. Money talks aren’t typically fun, but they are necessary. There are certainly financial ramifications for reintegration- whether in an increase of money coming in or a decrease because of loss of special duty pay, family separation pay, or the like. Talk about how this change in income impacts the family budget.
7. Guard Your Sanity
We all know mental health is a huge challenge in the military lifestyle and maintaining one’s mental health through reintegration is no exception. It can be extremely hard to navigate the landscape of merging lives in the midst of reintegration, but make sure to have a plan in place for when you are prolongedly overwhelmed. Do you have a friend you could call for some quick respite? Or, can you plan on ordering a pizza (or a frozen one) once a week to reduce the demands on your time- even briefly?
8. Choose to Show Up Well
Reconnecting after long periods of separation and hard sacrifices can be difficult. Try to ask your partner for empathy and attempt to offer it often.
9. Look for Your People
All of us feel the need for connections and friendship. At the same time, the bandwidth to be a good friend isn’t always readily available. Set realistic expectations for yourself and attempt to get connected at the level you can.
10. Focus on the present.
We all have a tendency to start planning for the next season before we’ve finished navigating the one we’re in. Try to focus on the moments at hand before trying to plan for those that haven’t happened yet.
So many times, the challenges of reintegration can be daunting. But, knowing how we can try to engage through them is key. None of these methods are fool proof or guarantee a smooth transition. But, they are the beginning pieces of maneuvering the season together. By focusing on the things we can do or build, we can start the process of building trust and connection through working together. Be encouraged. The work is hard, but worthy.