Which ones are reminiscent of your personal-vendetta-creating, Diet-Coke-addiction-forming experiences?
1. “I hate it when you’re here for our anniversary, anyway.” Literally despise it when you’re home for important dates, birthdays, major holidays. Total and utter sucktown.
2. “I can’t wait to buy this frumpy smock for my spouse’s homecoming.” My homecoming signs say: DROP DEAD, ROMANCE and BACK OFF, BRO.
3. “I love decrepit military housing.” I’m like a woodland princess; the resident rodents and cockroaches help me with my housework.
4. “You are simply too good to be true, Commissary on payday.” I’m in the mood for fighting over bell peppers and cheap cereal.
5. “Don’t you worry; I love sleeping ALL ALONE in this big, dark, creaky house.” The ax under my bed is just for my urban lumberjack décor.
6. “BAH repulses me.” Please, don’t ever, EVER give us a stipend to pay for housing. I’ll hate you forever.
