20 Challenges for the New Year

We polled our readers and here are 20 of the most common goals we heard for the next 12 months. In no particular order, here they are.

1. No more bashing

It is amazing how adults can be bullies – especially online. Within the military community, I’ve seen milspouses bash each other in person and online for parenting decisions like if they should have kids or when to have kids, family matters, accompanying your service member on a PCS or training, working out of the home vs. stay-at-home-mom status, and on and on the list goes. I’ve read articles on milspouses bashing others about being too dependent on your service member and articles on milspouses not depending enough on your service member. Not only are we all hard on each other, but I’ve noticed a trend of women (moms especially) becoming harder and harder on ourselves.

Personally, I expect more from myself than anyone else ever would. It’s not okay for us to be so unrealistic and set the bar too high. I challenge each and every one of you reading this to stop comparing your life to the brief Instagram snapshots we see from other women. Stop trying to be “as good as” everyone else and be as amazing as you are – without the comparisons!

2. Time for you

Taking time for yourself can be crucial for sanity. Sometimes, all it takes is 10 minutes a day where you can focus on yourself and remember that you still matter. It’s important to give yourself some down time and take care of you along with the house, kids, PCSing, work, etc. Don’t allow your own needs to go ignored so long that you lose a sense of who you are or get overwhelmed with all the outside factors in life! Taking care of yourself is also a key part of taking care of your kids and spouse!

3. Live for now

For military spouses, it’s easy to always be thinking ahead or looking to the past. We mentally prepare for future PCS seasons. We excitedly anticipate our service member’s return from deployment. We wish we still lived at a previous base where we already had friends. We yearn for easier times (past and future). But living for now can bring us much more joy and happiness. You might not be at an ideal installation. You might have to make it through a long deployment. You might have a list of things you wish were different. That being said, there are things going on in life you can enjoy in the present. Find a way to focus on each day’s joys and trials instead of worrying about the future or wishing away time!

4. Network

Even if you’re not planning on joining (or returning to) the workplace anytime in the immediate future, it never hurts to keep up networking and stay informed about your individual field or keep your eyes open for opportunities to grow and develop skills. You never know what connections you might make that can be helpful down the road. Keep an open mind, put yourself out there, and establish a solid network of personal and professional connections.

5. Learn

There are so many programs out there available for free or discounted to military spouses. This includes certification programs, free classes, continuing education credits, and a variety of other options. More and more programs that were previously only available to veterans are opening up opportunities to military spouses as well. Take some time to learn a new skill! Check out the MyCAA program if your spouse is E1 – E5, W1 – W2 or O1 – O2. I’ve rarely come across an individual who completed a degree or certification of any kind and really regretted the time, energy, and money they put into it. It might take some adjustment on your home life or work life, but it’s good for the mind to be constantly learning and it feels so good to accomplish things like this.

6. Get healthy

I’m not suggesting you hit the gym 2 hours a day or go on a crash diet. However, more data is always coming out about health issues associated with poor diets and lack of exercise. Even just 30 minutes 3 times a week has been shown to be extremely helpful. Find a way to squeeze some healthy lifestyle changes in! Start by trying portion control more often. Don’t eat out frequently. Find a workout buddy. I’ve seen girls find workout partners or groups through local base Facebook pages so they can help keep each other on track and support a healthier lifestyle. For more inspiration, read about Stroller Warriors.

7. De-clutter your life

We spent the last couple months this year purging clutter from our home. My husband’s career field has kept us in the same place for over 5 years which feels so odd for us. Usually, a PCS will help us decide to get rid of the not-so-crucial items in our home, but because we’ve lived in the same house for so long, the stuff is starting to really build up. We’ve made it a goal to remove 1 contractor trash bag full of excess every week. Our rule of thumb is “if it doesn’t make our life awesome, out it goes.” (or bring s you joy ...same thing.) This mindset can also be helpful when planning your personal schedules. I’ve seen so many families really burnt out because they over-schedule activities and just have too much to do. So, along with de-cluttering your home, de-clutter your life too. Take more time for yourself and more time for family. Focus on the activities in life that make it awesome!

8. Make smart money decisions

It’s very easy to get caught up in debt. This can come about for a number of reasons – some that seem smart and some not so smart. It’s easy to get caught up in a check-cashing scheme. There has been lots of news recently about colleges advertising to military service members and their families for “deals” that are scams. Check out the Military Friendly schools and get the honest facts about schools that are looking for you. It’s also easy to develop bad habits that slowly dwindle away your bank account. Purpose this next year to develop habits that will pay off debt or help pay for a vacation. Cut back on expensive coffee or eating out. Take lunch to work and prepare dinner at home instead of take-out. When you go shopping, write out a list ahead of time and stick to it. Every time you’re about to make an extravagant or extra purchase, ask whether you really want it or if you’d prefer the vacation or getting the car paid off.

9. Conquer a fear

Scared of public speaking? Take a speech class or join Toastmasters. Uncomfortable around other spouses? Attend a spouses’ social and get to know people. Scared of dogs or snakes or another animal? Challenge yourself and find a way to spend some time around them and beat that fear!!

10. Set realistic goals

It’s good to push yourself and expand upon your experiences. However, at the same time, don’t make plans that are so unrealistic you’ll end up disappointed. It’s easy to have big hopes and dreams, but start with something smaller and more attainable. You’ll have a great sense of accomplishment when you check those off and be more capable to pursue the tougher stuff.

11. Feel and express gratitude

You’ll find more joy in life if you express gratefulness for the good things that happen. Make it a point to intentionally focus on the positive and show an appreciation for these things. This can be done by writing someone a thank you note “just because” or showing them you care with the gift of time and friendship. It can also just be something you do mentally by thinking about the positives in life rather than the negatives. Your military life is a gift!

12. Smile more

Smiling is good for you. I find that if I express my happiness outwardly, it’s catching. If I intentionally smile not only do I often make myself feel better, but my kids and husband notice it and mimic it too. It’s really easy for a bad mood to be catching, and the same is true for a good mood. If you’re feeling good, let people know. Smile and show it.

13. Have fun

This is a lot like 12, but is so important. Have fun with your life. I would never be considered “fun mom.” I’m a “get-stuff-done mom.” I sometimes feel guilty about the fact that my kids don’t have a goofy mom who comes up with cool projects (because I find them too messy) or schedules playdates and activities constantly (because I like to have an uncluttered schedule). Just because I don’t fit in the ideal mold of “fun mom,” though, doesn’t mean that I can’t have fun. I’ve worked to find things I can do with my family that I find fun. We play a lot of board games. We do puzzles. We play video games together. I even pushed myself to get out and play ultimate Frisbee a few weeks ago. If I wasn’t looking for opportunities to have fun, I would have just stayed in and taken a nap. My whole family appreciated the fact that I worked to have fun with them instead of staying the natural indoorsy introvert that I am.

14. Be smart online

It’s not quite that difficult to be cautious with what you post online. OPSEC and PERSEC are words you hear and see a lot online lately. Truth is, though, you don’t need to be posting that many of your personal details and information online. You shouldn’t advertise that you’re leaving for a vacation or that your spouse is deployed. You should NEVER post about troop movement dates or strategies. Even if you think your Facebook security and privacy measures are locked down tightly, it’s not wise to go talking about these sorts of things. You might have your security set high, but who knows if your friends have been hacked or what their settings are. Be smart and cautious. It’s better to be overly cautious than targeted because you shared too much.

15. Spend quality time with family

You never know what tomorrow is going to hold. If you have the chance to spend time with family, do it now. I lost my mother at a young age and try to keep in mind that spending time with my kids is a gift – just in case something like this happened to me. Not to be morbid, but it is reality. Sometimes I’d rather just let them do their own thing or hide with my computer or a book. But my kids are young enough that they want to be with me most of the time. I should enjoy that while I can. Also, my husband is deployed a lot. We do everything we can to maximize our time together when he’s CONUS. It ends up helping with the loneliness when he’s gone.

16. Give back

Volunteering or finding opportunities to serve others can be extremely gratifying! Look for opportunities to help others when you can. Try to make it a consistent practice to offer a helping hand whenever you can! There are so many awesome charities that you can support as a military spouse.

17. Let it go

Grudges aren’t worth holding on to. More often than not, they only hurt the person holding the grudge rather than those they’re frustrated with. Letting things go is healthier. In addition to letting frustrations go, look back at #1. Don’t be too hard on yourself and let things go. You might not be able to hold a full-time job, go to school full-time, be a room parent, successfully raise kids, learn a new language, and bake a perfect batch of cookies all at the same time. Find a couple things to focus on that you can do well and master rather than doing a lot of things just mediocre.

18. Ask for help if you need it

This is my number one goal this year. I’m so fiercely independent that I don’t often admit when I could use help. This sometimes turns into a house full of guests asking if they could help with something and me refusing (while stressing over getting dinner on the table). If I’d just admit needing help, everyone’s stress levels would be lower!

19. Change a bad habit

Going back to setting realistic goals, don’t try to fix everything at once, but start by trying to change just one bad habit. You might not be able to save money by cutting down on your grocery budget if you’ve also decided to eat all organic fresh fruit and vegetables to lose weight and get healthier. Take things one step at a time and make it a point to change for the better – one habit at a time.

20. Start now!

Don’t put it off any longer. Spending extra time talking about accomplishing these goals instead of just doing it won’t help. Put your goals at the forefront of your mind. Write them down somewhere you’re going to see them every day. You’ll be grateful in the long run if you stick to a plan to accomplish these goals! Ready … Set … GO!