Baby showers are beautiful gatherings for moms-to-be to feel supported by their friends, but they can be emotional events to attend. Maybe you are someone who can’t have children or who has decided not to have any. Perhaps you recently lost a child, and the joy that surrounds a baby shower feels suffocating.
I struggle with baby showers because we decided not to have babies after realizing it was dangerous for me. However, I realized I wasn’t alone and found other women who also stress-attend baby showers. Here are our best tips for attending a baby shower when you are hurting.
1: Come prepared and stay hydrated.
By taking care of yourself, you are better able to regulate your emotions. If you are trying to hold back tears, as tempting as the mimosa bar may be, do your best to stick to the orange juice and cinnamon rolls. Being in control of your faculties can ensure you don’t say something you’ll regret.
2: Process your feelings.
Attending baby showers without processing your emotions beforehand can leave you feeling like a live wire. Instead, journal out your thoughts ahead of time, and remember your feelings are valid, but the baby shower may not be the best time to express them. Then, come up with some things to look forward to, like celebrating the mom-to-be on her journey and seeing other friends! Coming up with a few starter questions can help steer the conversation if needed and give others the mic, so you don’t feel exposed.
3: Bring a friend.
Air Force spouse Kane believes having a wing woman can be a lifesaver in the moment. Having a friend who knows your layered emotions behind the scenes can be a buffer when asked, “When will you have a child?” and “What are you waiting for?” You can also have a code word like ‘french toast’ for your friend to bring up a situation where you have to leave two hours into the party. Maybe make sure there isn’t a french toast buffet to avoid confusion.
4: You can say “No.”
As wild as saying no may feel, you are allowed to turn down an invitation. If your emotions feel too tender, reach out to the mom-to-be and let her know you can’t attend.
You can help the mother feel seen even after the baby arrives by offering a post-baby gift. Megan, a civilian, asks the future mom, “Hey, baby showers are tough for me, but I love you a lot. Can I sign up to make you a meal, pay for a babysitter one night, or something else to make you feel special once the baby is here?” Asking this question can be a great way to support your friend and give you space to process.
Baby showers brim with anticipation and excitement, but if you find yourself at a loss when thinking about attending, it’s okay to say “No” or to create space for you to feel supported when attending. Remember you aren’t alone, and there are many ways to show your friend love and support.