Have you ever seen a Chinese Plate Spinner?
As military spouses, we may feel we are plate spinners with how much we take on. We see others taking on five commitments – on top of their family and job – and wonder how they are doing it all. Each person has a limited amount of plates they can ‘spin’ during each season of their life. Each commitment you have is a plate: family, job, volunteering, and your home. As you add more plates, you are more likely to start dropping them. Coronavirus has highlighted the pressure of our “yeses”, and has given clarity on what is and is not sustainable. Here are our favorite tips for setting boundaries amid our new world.
Three a Day
Our to-do lists a month ago were endless. Now we may feel like there is nothing and everything to do. First, can you admit ‘everything’ is not possible today? What are three action items you can accomplish? Three things if done today, you could say, ‘I had a good day.’ A clean kitchen, a work project that needs finishing today, and homeschooling? Layering shame on top of a never-ending list is a recipe for frustration and resentment to start festering.
Realizing that you can’t do it all today can help you make wise decisions. If you are new to homeschooling or PCSing, you might not be able to do as much on a day-to-day basis because a part of your brain is processing these big items in the background.
Grounded Nos
We have a habit of believing nos are mean and cruel. Yes and no have equal weight. Uncover what your yeses are. What are your plates? What are your three things each day? If you know what you have chosen, you can declare a definite no, instead of a reluctant yes. No is not a swear word. No is showing up for your yes.
Don’t sacrifice yourself on the altar of military spouse martyrdom. We don’t have time for self-abandonment during Corona. Be grace-filled with yourself, understand what you can do, and set boundaries protecting your choices so you can show up for your life, your family, and your chosen plates. Boundaries are not always clear, and I suggest reading the book Boundaries by Dr. Townsend and Dr. Cloud as it goes more in-depth than I can here.