Whew! You did it.

The despairingly stomach-churning deployment goodbye is done.

You’ve made a serious dent in your Costco-sized tissue supply, eaten the neighbors’ pity cookies they dropped off while you peeked at them through your blinds and wailed to Eric Carmen’s “All By Myself” on eternal repeat.

Now what?

Enter: THE COUNTDOWN.

I’m not sure which cruel individual decided to make it so, but it is a right to initiate a countdown. A tradition. However, paper chains and calendar mark-offs are so last year.

Here are some other completely-serious-sarcasm-free ways to count down a deployment:

1) Add some weight

Instead of spending eternal hours pumping iron and running like a hamster going nowhere, embrace the poundage. Try to see just how much weight you can gain and wear those too-tight pants to the airport like an Olympic medal.

2) Count the sodas

I think I tallied over 250 diet Dr. Peppers (44 oz., duh—I’m no lightweight) over my spouse’s most recent deployment.

I’ve never been more proud.

3) Cry each time you have to take all of your children to the grocery store

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.