By Samantha Boyer-Hanks, from What Matters First
April is the month of the military child, so it’s rather ironic and somewhat fitting that this month was the first month my husband had to say, “see you later,” to our sweet baby.
Going through the distance of being a military spouse is all part of the job. One way or another we chose this aspect of our lives, but our children did not. The time spent apart is a totally different experience when you bring children into the picture. The nights are long and the idea of your child forgetting their parent is heartbreaking. I’m thankful that little man is only two months old, so we don’t have to worry about Daddy’s void too much, but I still plan to do everything I can to help ease the transition of my husband’s return. Here is my tackling the distance checklist.
Pictures and Videos
Thankfully, my husband serves in a time that we have technology to rely on for our communication. Although wifi isn’t necessarily a thing out in the middle of the Big Blue, he does have access to email that I can flood with pictures and choppy ten-second videos. In addition to sending him videos, I always have him make me a few videos on my tablet to keep for a rainy day. This time, we added a video for Lincoln so that he can hear Daddy’s voice daily.
Open when letters
Again, the cyber world out to sea isn’t always the greatest and sometimes we won’t have communication for up to a week. During those times, it’s great to have a few handwritten letters stashed away. These are more for me than for little man, of course. Momma needs a few things to help keep her sane during this time and there is nothing sweeter than a handwritten letter from my husband reminding me that I’m a great mom and that this time does not last forever.
Clothing that smells of him
This might sound kind of gross, but babies have a great sense of the presence of their loved ones based on smell. They know when you’re near and the minute you leave the room, so for that reason, I plan to have my husband leave behind a shirt or two that I can lay my sweet baby next to during one of his famous fuss fests.
Phone calls
These are far and in between when my husband is away, so they’re even more cherished. Feeling like you’re married to a computer screen and clinging to every email notification can be hard, so I love getting an unexpected phone call from my husband after not hearing his voice for a few weeks. On nights that his daddy isn’t home, I like to set the phone on speaker and let Lincoln hear my husband talk to us. It’s so sweet seeing my son’s reaction even at this age, so I’m sure it will be even sweeter after my husband has been away for a few weeks.
Speaking of Daddy
This is so important. When it was just me, I typically carried on with my day without worrying about the fact that my husband was floating in some unknown location. This time will be a little different. It’s important for my son to hear about his daddy, even while he is so little. I plan to say his name when playing those voice recordings or speak of him when my husband calls and when changing him. I have photos of my husband and I pinned up around the nursery so we can see Daddy as well. The idea is that doing these things solidifies their connection and makes reuniting easier.
Preparing for his return
Communication, in whatever form the distance allows, is the most important factor of living this type of life successfully. It’s even more important when you bring little ones into the picture. Keeping the other parent updated on new routines and how much their little has grown will help them not only feel like they haven’t missed out completely, but give them an idea on how to jump back in when they return. I typically write my husband every day, even if it’s just to check in, so I’m sure we won’t be lacking in this department.
The season that my little family finds itself can be a trying one and many other families walk through it with us every year. I know that this time will pass quickly, just as it has in the past, and I’m looking forward to my son smiling at his daddy when he returns.
How do you handle long distance with children? Drop any tips you have in the comments below!