How one milspouse found her calling serving others in health care.
“We all need someone to listen to us, to believe in us, and to be fully present when life is unpredictable. This is especially true when we are hurting or grieving. Being vulnerable to the pain of hurting, fear, and worry can be challenging. But I know there is healing in vulnerability. I strive to provide that safe place for individuals to be vulnerable and begin their journey to experience post-traumatic growth.”
What happens when we experience grief, loss, or even trauma in our lives? As military community members, we are all too familiar with the feeling of being disconnected or disappointed. What we don’t always have is a person who is willing (or even capable of) listening with the intent to offer healing.
In my recent interview with Charity Kurlas, a licensed clinical social worker for Spurwink in Maine, she shared her story of becoming a military spouse, her search for an identity outside of her husband’s role as a service member, and the joy she found in serving others. I was completely enthralled by every detail.
Over a hot cup of coffee, we began talking about how we found ourselves married to military men. Her husband, who is newly retired, spent some time in the recruiting field. During that time, Charity’s brother decided the Marines would be his future. While her brother was working toward the goal of entering into military service, Charity was finishing her undergraduate degree in 2006. Three short years later, after her brother introduced the two, they were married.
Moving from their Virginia home to their new station in West Virginia proved to be a typical military move—logistical problems, resourcefulness, and her brother to the rescue. Sixteen months after their PCS, during an ice storm and on her way to work, Charity had a stroke. Simultaneously her brother, who was stationed in Afghanistan, suffered injuries from an explosion. Needless to say, these two accidents shook their family.
After she woke up in the hospital, Charity was surrounded by her new friends from West Virginia who had flooded her room. They visited her, offered encouragement, and gave her the gift of community.
She said, “Everywhere we have landed has been like that. It hasn’t always been a ton of people, but there has always been a handful of people who show the most kindness and have compassion.”
For most of us, community really is what makes all the difference. She shared more about how welcomed she felt and how amazed she was while watching these new friends of hers step into her pain, grief, and worry alongside her.
When we transitioned to talking about her career, she told me about her first job—a job that lasted for nearly a decade—at a truck stop Wendy’s. She reflected on her time there with gladness and considered her co-workers to be family. She always knew that she would have a career.
She said, “I knew my career was going to be set with people who have experienced pain.”
She wanted to work with them and guide them to a place where they could experience beauty in their life again.
With her husband’s support and full belief in her abilities, she pursued her professional goals with gusto. She has faced some of the same dilemmas most of us do—moving obstacles and family planning.
Against all the odds, Charity remained steadfast. She now serves as part of a team of consultants that provides clinical and non-clinical services to child welfare staff. Her passion has always been around individuals who have experienced trauma. She shared,
“Trauma changes the way you see the world and how you engage with those around you. But life is beautiful and it is tragic. Our lives can reflect these conflicting experiences—sometimes in the same year, on the same day, and even in the same hour. So, let us offer love and compassion to one another because life is beautiful and life is tragic.”
In my one hour with Charity, I heard her heart for serving others. But moreover, I heard her heart for helping others learn to offer a listening ear, a hand to hold, and a hope to grasp. She firmly believes in the truth that healing is possible and that everyone can pursue it. With community members like her, I think she’s right.