So let’s take a trip back in time.
Do you remember those books and pamphlets? The Army Wife, The Navy Wife…Roses & Thornes? Yep, the vintage DIY guides to becoming a ‘good’ wife in the military; all written based on the aristocratic tone set over two centuries ago.
Homemaking was to be our full-time gig and heaven FORBID the thought of working outside the home! That would get in the way of our homefront responsibilities!
In order to be a ‘good’ military wife, everything we did had to revolve around creating a happy home for our husband and children. Enlisted wives were to set a good example for junior wives, and be at the unit commander wife’s beck-and-call whenever she needed you. And you had BETTER know your social manners, like “no blowing your nose at the table”. (uh–duh).
Officer wives also had certain expectations, which include the infamous white gloves, formal attire and hats…all the hats. They were expected to be actively involved in volunteering for the unit. And the “senior wife”? Yea, she had to be the one to tend to the business of the unit’s families, open her house on a regular basis for social functions and ALWAYS welcome the newcomers.
Did you know there was even a protocol created to regulate how much time was required to spend with the spouses? Just in case you ever get this trivia question on Jeopardy!, the correct answer will be “What is 20 MINUTES”. That’s right! If you’re visiting someone or welcoming them to the area, protocol dictates you spend a MINIMUM of 20 minutes there in order to satisfy the requirements. (I can’t even make this stuff up.)
Throughout the past 200+ years, military life has changed by leaps and bounds. Many of those old-school requirements have since moved to the wayside or have been thrown out the window completely. Yet some still exist and have adapted as the modern military family has adapted. We are still serial volunteers. We’re still offered ‘etiquette’ classes (sans the white gloves). We still (try) not to complain and unfortunately those who do still face admonishment. But one thing has changed drastically.
We are no longer stand silent or remain hidden. We are seen and heard more now than ever. We no longer serve to exist in the background and our voices can be heard far beyond the gates of the military community. We are more than serial volunteers, white gloves and hats. We are a nation of military spouses who still feel the heat from outdated protocol yet bust our butts to change the narrative.
We still support our service members in so many ways, we still hold down the fort when they’re gone and we still rely on our village…just like our ‘founding mothers’ did. We’ve got a long way to go to reverse centuries of outdated expectations, but I’d say we’re well on our way.
What do you think? What other milspouse stereotypes do we need to work on?
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