Dual Military Spouses
I can tell you from personal experience that being a dual military couple is not for the weak of heart. We do double or overlapping deployments. We can be stationed on completely different sides of the world because of “needs of the military orders” that over-ride the co-location instructions. My husband and I are so used to being apart due to our duty stations that it’s hard to be together at times. Jessica is right there with me! While I’m lucky enough to have my husband only 3 states away, her husband was stationed west coast while she was stationed east coast for 3 years!
“The biggest challenge we have faced was being reunited. I was in a groove! I had us all on a schedule; I knew what to do and when to do it. I mean after 3 years I had become a PRO! Then “YAY, Daddy is home!” After a week, our lives got messy. We were spinning our tires in the mud that was now our life. And without even realizing it, I was pushing him away in attempt to get my normal back.” (UN-geobaching: Learning to be a Family Under One Roof)
I know I also have a problem with being accepted. I’ve been at an event for my husband where one of the spouses asked me what I did. When I let her know I was in the Navy, you would have thought I said I had the plague. I’ve been asked why we got married if we can’t live together. I’ve been judged for being a female military member. I’ve been looked down on because I can’t take care of the typical spouse responsibilities. I’m not less of a spouse because I serve our country myself. I just have a different role in my marriage.
One Marine spouse said that when you are part of a dual military couple, those roles are an ever-changing situation. Going from being the member who deploys to the one who is taking on the home duties isn’t always an easy transition.
Nick and Meredith, a cross-branched USMC/USN couple, said that it’s a big challenge for them to make sure there is adequate care for their child. “On-deck times can change and my wife and I have to work late on occasion with little notice. This affects the nanny’s schedule as well.”
It’s hard enough to coordinate childcare when you have one active duty parent. In the case of Bozena and Ronald, a dual Navy couple, despite usually having orders to make sure one is on shore duty while the other is on sea, they faced a dilemma last year when a mandatory extension kept Bozena on deployment while her husband left too. Having an up-to-date family care plan and family that could step in was the saving grace for their two children.
