May is the Month of Mental Health Awareness and, with that in mind, I would like to share a story with you.
Two years ago, around July 2016, I found myself curled up in a fetal position on my shower floor experiencing a nervous breakdown. I had no idea what was happening to me. Don’t get me wrong… I knew I had been struggling for a while, but in a million years I would have imagined the severity of my mental health condition. That was, until one day, I was officially diagnosed by a mental health professional with a chronic anxiety disorder. A condition, that according to her, I had been suffering for many, many years already, but one that I never knew I had because I never sought the help I needed—not until that day—a decision that literally saved my life.
I still remember the first time I experienced my first anxiety attack. No, not the shower one—a different one. It was back in 2007, a couple of days after my brother died. I was on the phone with my husband who, at that time, was stationed in West Africa with the Military. In the middle of our conversation, he told me that he was going to call me back because he had something to do. Well, after waiting for him to call me back, I became concerned and called him back, but he didn’t answer. After calling him three or four more times, I still couldn’t reach him…and that’s when I started panicking. After a while, he called me back. He was fine. It was just that he had been called to a meeting and he couldn’t answer the phone. I felt so bad but didn’t tell him anything. I didn’t want to bother him with my “silly, imaginary problems.” Plus, I felt stupid for my reaction to the whole situation, so I said nothing and acted as nothing had happened. The sad part is that all this happened in a matter of 20 minutes, and the full-blown anxiety I found myself experiencing should have been the first indication that something wasn’t right with me, but I just brushed it to the side. Now, I realize that I should have said something to my husband, but I didn’t. The truth is that I felt ashamed, so I let it go and continued with my life.
That same scenario (my anxiety attacks due to imaginary problems) happened many, many times after that day. Not only with my husband, but also with my parents, my children, and my friends. During that time, I started to lose control of my emotions and I just couldn’t see it. In my mind, what I was experiencing was related to me grieving the death of my brother. But, in reality, what was happening to me was that I was dealing with a case of undiagnosed Post Traumatic Disorder (PTSD) as a result of the horrific way my brother died, a situation that later on turned into a chronic anxiety disorder…and believe me when I say that these two untreated conditions completely changed the course of my life.
As the years passed, my conditions became worst, but I kept brushing off the situation because, to start, I had no idea what was actually happening to me, and second, because I was ashamed and could get myself to seek the help I knew I needed. I was terrified of what people would think of me if they knew I was seeing a “shrink.” If I only knew how wrong I was and how important was for me to look for help. It wasn’t until that day back in June 2016 when I realized I needed to seek professional help. And I did. I am glad I did it because I probably would have not been here today, writing this piece, if it wasn’t for the guidance I received from my therapist. Don’t get me wrong, I am still struggling with the condition, and I take anti-anxiety medications to keep my brain functioning as it’s supposed to, but now I am more in control of my emotions and I see myself getting better and better as the days pass.
Today, I want to advocate for those, like me, who are experiencing mental health challenges and are afraid to seek guidance because they don’t want to be made fun of, or stigmatized. It’s time that we start normalizing mental health so that we all can seek the help we need before things get out of control…like it happened to me. In my case, it took me 12 years to seek help and, by the time I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, the condition was so advanced that I required daily medication and extensive cognitive behavioral therapy to just get me back on track. I don’t feel bad sharing this information with you, nor will I feel ashamed for the experience I had to live. I actually feel like, now, I can use my experience to help others in need, so that they can see that, if I did it, so can they.
Today, I also want to ask you, dear world, to join me in bringing awareness to this situation that we are all facing. We are living in tough times, in which all of us are experiencing, in one way or another, the effects of the violence that is covering our world. Together, we can help those in need to seek the guidance they need without them having to feel singled out. Let’s not allow our lack of knowledge, and/or lack of empathy to prevent someone from seeking treatment. Now, more than ever, we need to be there for each other and support those in need of guidance so they can seek the help they need before is too late for them. There is nothing wrong with seeking help, but we need to make it easier for them/for us by not judging or ridiculing those who need and seek the help they need to find their way back from their mental health struggles.
To those of you, like me, who are going through challenges, today, I want to tell you that there is no shame in getting help. Seeking help will be the first step in getting better and also the first step in regaining control of your life. The truth is that, if going to the dentist is not shameful, seeking and receiving mental health help shouldn’t be either. Do it for yourself, for your family, and mostly, let’s do it to show the world that no challenge is bigger than us and that, together, we are going to end the stigma associated with mental health, so that we all can enjoy a life free for the chains that are keeping us down. There is light at the end of the tunnel…just keep driving, keep swimming, keep moving and you will get there.
Author: Marielys Camacho-Reyes, MS is a U.S. Army Veteran, a military spouse, a freelance writer, and the author of the book Cleaning Out My Closet: My Road from Self-Discovery to Emotional Healing. You can visit her website at www.mcreyes.com for more of her pieces.
