I have been a military spouse for many years, but I wasn’t one to jump on the military memorabilia bandwagon.
Our house was devoid of military stuff until recently and even now it is relegated to the office. But a few years ago, I really wanted to support military spouses and their endeavors. That guided me to purchasing items from milspouse-owned businesses whenever I needed a gift or something I was lacking in my life. But there was one piece I really, really wanted for myself – a bracelet from Nomades.
Military spouses started the Nomades company to highlight a military spouse’s journey through duty station charms. They have charms for each base, post and station where you would find yourself. I loved the concept and I really wanted one.
Now picking out spacers is mentally a challenge. I had 25 years of military locations that I needed to “space out.”
The first item on my agenda was to add a spacer for our family. Our last name means “fish” in French so of course, I needed something with “fish” on it. Then, I found a spacer that had paw prints on it to signify the dogs we’ve had throughout our career as well as the pup we currently have. In addition, I wanted spacers that would signify my children. This was where I was stumped. Do I focus on their activities? Their qualities? When I pondered this conundrum in the form of a spacer, I was lost.
I scrolled through the pages of Etsy to no avail. I went to jewelry stores to see what options they had. Again, I came up empty. Ultimately, I decided upon a moonstone for my youngest daughter. Moonstones represent feminine energy and since I consider her a strong, independent woman, I thought it was perfect. A few years later, I would replace that spacer with a charm that Nomades created – a military mom symbol for my girl who followed her father and joined the Air Force.
My oldest daughter was tougher. How do I symbolize her? One night, as I was falling asleep, I had an epiphany. When I woke up the next morning, I started my hunt. Would the spacer even exist? It took a while but I found it! When it arrived in the mail, I happily showed it to my husband and then added it to the bracelet.
I had found a rainbow spacer to represent my LGBTQ daughter. The spacer is a subtle way to let others know about my views and that I am an ally. The whole bracelet is a conversation starter and the rainbow spacer is an easy way to introduce the topic to others. I know that there are still a lot of people out there who find the conversation uncomfortable and there is still a stereotype in the military that being different isn’t within acceptable limits.
Our daughter came out to us when she was 14. We were sitting around the kitchen table on a summer afternoon discussing the Latin camp she had attended. There was a pause in the conversation and she dropped her head down and said, “I’ve got to tell you something.” As a parent, you run through a few scenarios, but you never know what will happen. When she said the words, I went over to her and hugged her tight. It wasn’t the end of the world, nothing changed in our family, and we still loved her.
Even though we already had LGBTQ family members, she wasn’t sure how we would react. That makes me wonder how other children feel coming out to their family. If it was hard for her, how excruciating must it be for others. When we told the rest of the family, the reaction was the same: pure love for our child. What some wondered was how my spouse took the news, and there’s that stereotype coming through. My husband has never had a problem and it hurts me deeply that someone would think so.
A few years back, we went to the AMPA (American Military Partner’s Association) gala. Now called Modern Military Association of America, this non-profit organization serves the LGBTQ military members and veteran population. During the event, they announced a program whereby they would offer support for the children of LGBTQ family members as well as those children who identified as LGBTQ. I cried a little when I heard the announcement since there was nothing for my daughter when she was starting her journey. She was happy with letting our family know, but she didn’t want friends to find out since we were living in an area that wasn’t necessarily open to the community.
Now resources abound and the climate of the world is changing. So, I offer my bracelet as a way to connect with people and let others know that I am there for you whether you want to talk about it or not.