By Michelle Bowler – @TheWaitingWarriors – [email protected]
As a brand new military spouse, I made a major mistake that I want to share with you, in hopes that you won’t repeat it. My husband enlisted in the Army a few months after we got married. Before I knew it, I was pregnant, attending college, and living alone for over five months while he was at Basic and AIT (Advanced Individual Training). It was a challenging time, and I learned a lot about myself and the importance of community.
Shortly after my husband left, a girl a few years older than me reached out. We knew each other from home, and she was a military fiancée. She offered to meet up and help however she could. It was a kind gesture, and looking back, it was a lifeline I didn’t realize I needed.
But in my naivety, I said, “No thanks.” I didn’t want to impose on her time. I was busy with classes. And, truth be told, I thought I could handle everything on my own. I believed that I didn’t need any advice or support. I thought I had it all figured out.
That was my worst mistake.
I wish I had gone to meet her. I wish I had opened up and let her help me. I wish I had started the pattern from the beginning of building a community and allowing people to support me. I wish I hadn’t thought I needed to figure this out on my own.
So, I’m here to tell you, don’t be like me. Avoid the years of extra hardship and let people in. Here’s why saying “yes” to support and community is so important:
Embrace the Community
Being a military spouse can feel isolating, especially when your partner is away for training or deployment, or you are PCSing often. The military lifestyle comes with unique challenges that can be hard for non-military friends and family to understand. This is where the military community becomes precious and invaluable. The people who have walked this path before you can offer insights, advice, and a shoulder to lean on.
When I declined that initial offer of help, I missed out on connecting with someone who understood exactly what I was going through. I missed out on shared experiences, practical tips, and emotional support that could have made those early months so much easier.
Vulnerability is Strength
It takes courage to admit that you need help. For some reason, I felt that asking for help would be a sign of weakness or failure. But the truth is, vulnerability is a strength and super power that binds people together. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable opens the door to deep, meaningful connections.
By saying “no thanks,” I closed myself off from the possibility of forming a supportive network. I learned the hard way that it’s okay to not have all the answers and to lean on others for support. It’s okay to let people in and to share your struggles and triumphs.
Shared Experiences are Comforting
Connecting with others who are going through or have gone through similar experiences can provide immense comfort. They can relate to your challenges and offer practical advice based on their own experiences. These shared moments create a sense of belonging and understanding that is incredibly comforting.
If I had said “yes” to that initial offer, I might have found comfort in knowing I wasn’t alone. I might have gained valuable advice on how to navigate the ups and downs of being a military spouse. I might have made a friend who could have walked those lonely and difficult months with me.
Practical Advice and Emotional Support
Military spouses often have a wealth of practical advice to share, from dealing with long-distance relationships to managing household responsibilities alone. They can offer tips on everything from packing for moves to finding local resources and support groups.
Emotional support is just as crucial. Having someone to talk to who understands your situation can make a world of difference. They can offer empathy, encouragement, and a listening ear when you need it most.
Learning from Mistakes
Reflecting on past decisions and understanding their impact can lead to personal growth and better future choices. My mistake taught me the value of community and the importance of letting people in. It taught me that I don’t have to navigate life’s challenges alone, and neither do you.
So, if someone offers to help you, say “yes.” If there’s a chance to join a military spouse group or attend a meet-up, take it. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reach out to those around you. Build your community, let people support you, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Remember, you’re not alone. There are many of us out here who have been through what you’re going through and are willing to help. Embrace the support, share your journey, and let the community uplift you.
Don’t make the mistake I did. Let people in, and you’ll find that the journey is much easier and more rewarding with a supportive community by your side.
Michelle Bowler is an outdoor lover, mom of 4 girls on earth and a son in heaven, Army wife of 12 years, and entrepreneur and content creator. Michelle created The Waiting Warriors Podcast, website, and social media to help military loved ones know how to thrive in their life of supporting service. After interviewing over 100 military loved ones for the podcast, Michelle realized there was a serious lack in practical resources for military spouses facing deployment and reintegration, so she created a workbook and course, Bulletproof Your Reintegration, https://thewaitingwarriors.com/bulletproof-your-reintegration-a-military-spouse-guide-to-a-healthy-reintegration/, to help guide military spouses through the ever-changing transition.
