I wish I could say it was that easy for me!
For all the planning that I had done, I was not prepared to get out.
I was not emotionally ready to walk away from a life I was so comfortable in. I felt so secure in my choice to separate from the Navy right up until I was actually doing it.
All of the sudden I was lost. I didn’t have a reason to wake up, because I wasn’t expected to be anywhere. I had NO structure to my week, because my schedule was now completely open.
And the biggest thing I DIDN’T expect was to feel as lonely as I did when I left the service.
I went from spending my days surrounded by Sailors who were loud and goofy and who had become part of my family.. to now spending all my time alone. At home. With no one.
It’s amazing how loud a silent house can be.
I know most people who have worked steadily for the past 15 years would LOVE to have a month off to relax.
But not me.
I feel useless.
I feel like the biggest thing I have to accomplish each day is making sure the bed is made and dishes are done.
I am lost without something to do, something to put my energy into. I know that my time off does have an end date and school will be starting again soon, so at least I’ll have schoolwork to keep my busy, but for now I feel like I’m just killing time to get there.
Don’t get me wrong, getting out of the Navy is NOT something I regret. I know it was the right choice for me and for my family.
I had never intended to be a lifer.
From the day I left for boot camp, I knew it was only four short years until I was on to my next adventure. But somehow getting out didn’t provide the relief I thought it would.
I can only imagine how hard it must be for those service members that transition out of the military after 10, 20, or even 30 years of service.
I may have only been a Sailor for a short time, but it is still such a big part of me that I don’t quite know who I am some days without that title anymore.
I’m sure it will get easier.
Eventually, I will find a new title and a new purpose.
But for right now, well, I’m struggling.
