Before I became a stay-at-home mom to my firstborn, my friends and family showered me with gifts, reminded me to “rest now” and shared countless pearls of wisdom.
But no one warned me how lonely I might get or how to handle it if I did.
I became a stay-at-home mom around the time we PCS’d to Fort Hood. Although it was our fourth PCS, it was the first PCS that required me to adjust without the built-in benefits of a job.
Entering stay-at-home motherhood was a culture shock; adjusting to life at a new assignment only compounded my anxieties and uncertainties. I loved life with my baby, but I felt alone without a community of friends. Unsure how to socialize with a baby on my hip, I naively assumed that people would introduce themselves and welcome me into the fold. No one did.
Soon, I learned that the number one quality to master for life as a happy stay-at-home mom is this:
Be Proactive!
Proactively building your community will surround you with the friendships and support that you need, and it will positively impact your life in other ways, too. Consider trying these four strategies:
1. Find Mommy and Me Classes
Enrolling in Mommy and Me classes will provide an enjoyable weekly activity outside the house. You’ll find comfort in the routine and look forward to the change of scenery. Music or tumbling classes provide a great way for you and your child to bond and socialize, too.
You’ll also develop friendships with other brand-new moms, as well as experienced moms. Your children will form their own sweet relationships. When you make these connections, exchange phone numbers and meet outside of class. If you feel shy about asking to exchange phone numbers, remember that other moms want the same thing you do: friendship and community.
Quick Action Checklist:
- Find a Kindermusik class
- Sign up for a tumbling class
- Look up classes at your installation’s SKIES program
2. Go to the Library’s Story Hour
Hop online and find all public libraries that are within a reasonable distance from your home. Each of these libraries should have a children’s story hour. Find out what time each story hour is offered, record the times on your calendar and plan to visit each one. Become a regular attendee at the one(s) you like best.
Trained children’s librarians will lead you in songs and read aloud, which will aid your child in his or her language development and create a wonderful bonding experience for both of you. Plus, you’ll pick up some good tips to cultivate a reading-friendly home. Like Mommy and Me classes, story hours are a great place to meet other moms and develop friendships.
Quick Action Checklist:
- Create a Story Hour Calendar
- Include all nearby public libraries’ story hours
- Include your installation’s library’s story hour
3. Join Your Installation’s Spouses’ Club
While we relish every joy that comes with our babies’ first years, we also crave dedicated time with adults. Spouses’ Clubs hold regular luncheons or dinners just for adults, and they usually arrange some type of activity that promotes just what you’re looking for: adult conversation. Plus, they have “sub-clubs,” such as a book club, hiking club or play date club, which hold separate regular meetings.
Joining the Spouses’ Club will give you a dependable activity and connect you to other adults with shared interests. In time, you’ll build a community of support and friendship, and you’ll find other moms who can share advice or help with your kids.
Quick Action Checklist:
- Join your installation’s Spouses’ Club (pay a small fee)
- Sign up for one sub-club
4. Form a Childcare Swap
As you build trust among friends, take some initiative and suggest a childcare swap. Settle on one morning each week to alternate taking care of each other’s kids. When it’s your morning off, take those hours to enjoy some free time or accomplish tasks that are difficult to do with a little one in tow.
This arrangement can help you feel like you have extra support. It can be hard to leave our little ones for a few hours when we don’t have a “valid excuse” like a doctor’s appointment, or if we simply want to sit in a coffee shop and read. But, consider this: if you lived near family, would you hesitate if your mom or sibling offered to watch your child for the same purpose?
As a stay-at-home mom with a husband who deploys, a lot of extra parenting responsibilities immediately fall onto you; proactively coordinating the support of trusted friends isn’t just “okay,” it’s smart. In the absence of your immediate family, you and your children will grow to rely on these friends in a special way, and they will similarly rely on you. These kinds of relationships can be the beginning of your village.
Quick Action Checklist:
- Ask a friend to organize a regular Childcare Swap
- Decide on a weekly time slot to alternate caring for each other’s kids
Being Proactive Keeps You Strong
In the years that followed my transition to Fort Hood, I learned that when I proactively built my community, I felt more optimistic and less anxious. Overall, I felt stronger – both as a milspouse and as a mom.
These strategies continue to help me during transitions, even as life as a brand-new stay-at-home mom has become a thing of the past. And I’m sure that other stay-at-home moms have discovered more strategies that have helped them build their community and feel stronger.
Are you a stay-at-home mom? Share the wealth – what’s worked for you?