Whether you’re a brand new military spouse or a seasoned one, chances are, you’ve found yourself trying to define your purpose at least once.
In the last few months, I found myself in a similar state, noticing that my focus had become vague and my stress levels were through the roof. But, I felt hopeful knowing that InDependent’s Military Spouse Wellness Summit (MSWS), “Life with Purpose,” was coming up the first week of March. Having participated in the summit last year, I knew it would help me recalibrate and recharge.
After listening to thought-provoking interviews, learning from health and wellness coaches and engaging in deep self-reflection, I feel back on track, and I’m once again convinced that all military spouses should participate in and benefit from this annual event.
Here are 3 lessons I learned from MSWS, which might just help you, too:
1. Prioritize with Intention
We’ve all heard the advice: make a list of priorities and stick to it. If you’re like me, and you realize that you’re spinning more plates than you have limbs, and that many of those plates are wobbling, you might need to hear the sage advice that The Ever Co. founder Amy Hawthorne shared:
“If everything is your number one priority, then nothing is your number one priority.”
We can’t devote ourselves 100% to dozens of priorities. Something is bound to suffer. A plate is destined to shatter. To reprioritize in a way that helps us define our purpose, we must do so with intention, meaning we must think deliberately about what is most important to us, write it down and act accordingly. If we don’t, then we are bound to experience increased stress, frustration, disorganization and anxiety.
2017 AFI Military Spouse of the Year Brittany Boccher drove home the importance of this strategy when she posed the question: “Are you filling your cup or filling your time?” As we set priorities, we must consider how our priorities bring us joy and fulfillment. If they don’t, perhaps they shouldn’t be a priority at all. We are more likely to discover our purpose when we prioritize with intention and honestly acknowledge how priorities impact our lives.
2. Accept that Perfection Is an Illusion
Some priorities might involve achieving certain goals. Maybe we want to improve our nutrition and exercise regimen, eager to look and feel better, just like every cover girl we see. Or, maybe we want to have a successful online business, with a popular blog, and even a trendy cookbook, just like the “influencers” who go viral…
Whatever we want, getting started can be tough. Why? Taking the first step, whether it’s going to the gym for that killer body or launching that sharable blog, feels impossible because we haven’t perfected a few other steps first. Should we know how to use the gym equipment first, or launch a blog only after we have a polished money-making website to go with it?
Fitness Without Borders founder Maria King reminds us not to wait for perfection: “When you start executing without perfection, you start getting somewhere.” Just taking the first step to the gym, or posting that first blog has the potential to create opportunities and positive change that you wouldn’t have experienced if you hadn’t taken the risk.
Probably the best part about this is that it can improve our overall mindset, actually making us feel better all over. Nutritional Therapy Practitioner Caroline Potter says that giving ourselves “grace before perfection” helps us focus on the things we do well, instead of the areas where we feel we fall short. As a result, we avoid trapping ourselves in strong negative thoughts, which can be difficult to escape.
3. Find Your Core
In this life, it’s so easy to feel overwhelmed, and it’s perhaps even easier to use that as an excuse for not creating the change that we need. Co-founder of Warriors at Ease Molly Birkholm reminded me of this, when she pointed out the one thing that is unchanging: our core, the heart of who we are.
Sometimes, we might lose our grip on that core; we might forget what it means. During Brittany’s guided journal prompts, I reflected on how this has affected my own life, realizing that it can impact diet, exercise, relationships, energy and overall mental state. It’s amazing how interconnected everything is.
But I have the power to rediscover that core; that’s the beautiful part that Molly shared. We all have the power to stand back up and rediscover that core, our purpose.
All it takes is some intentional thinking and planning. In Sanskrit, the word “intention,” Molly says, means “that which brings you into harmony” or “that which is borne from the heart.” It occurred to me that the way we understand “intention” now involves the active participation of the person who sets that intention. So, not only can I restore clarity and peace in my life by rediscovering my core, but I can also feel empowered by recognizing my own agency in doing so.
The Path Ahead
MSWS was filled with an immense amount of wisdom, support, enthusiasm and positivity. So many lessons were learned, more than could be captured in one blog. And certainly, each participant experienced something a little different. These three lessons capture the most powerful ways the summit affected me and my approach to the path ahead.
Still more incredible moments became snapshots in my mind’s eye, begging to become inspirations on my wall or additions to a vision board. So I’ll leave them with you, as an attempt to close and unclosable week, and to encourage those who didn’t participate this year to keep an eye out for next year – MSWS 2020, will surely be another week to remember.
“Be a ‘seed-planter.'”
Lara Casey
“Create a space that others can stand up in.”
Peter Docker
“See the light in others.”
Molly Birkholm
“Consider what challenges you can turn into opportunities.”
Brittany Boccher
“If there’s a roadblock, just pivot.”
Chrissa Benson