My Child, You Are Here for a Reason

By Major Marissa Cina

“This is the best part of my day” my three-year old said with a sigh as she settled into my armpit pocket at 7:45 PM on a random weekday. Every night, despite the loud demands in my life, my world narrowed to this moment on a small, warm body nestled in my arms. Juggling a demanding Army career with single parenthood while my husband was deployed was a relentless experience, but those precious moments of shared storytime became our shared sanctuary.

Every night that year, regardless of the looming deadlines and daily ankle-biters of laundry and dishes, I would lower my weary body into her bed with a stack of books and we would read at least (trust me, she counts) three books before praying and me departing for my room. I normally would tell her every night that it was the best part of my day. Tonight was no different, but she beat me to the punch with her statement. Her contented sigh wrecked me. She knew and trusted the rhythm of our lives and that evening moment, those precious 15 minutes, had become the best part of her day too. Tonight was a Nancy Tillman night. Tillman’s book On The Night You Were Born is a classic baby shower gift and one that had me and my husband crying for a good four months reflecting on our daughter’s agonizingly exquisite entrance into the world. Tonight we read a new one, You’re Here for a Reason. With a gentle, easy rhyme flow Tillman reminds the reader that even our smallest actions can reverberate through the lives of those around us. Her illustrations show a young boy letting go of his kite, his precious plaything, to help a baby elephant. As the elephant then extends kindness to a goose, the kite itself carries us through the pages being used as a sled to carry sleepy fox kits across cold, snowy ground, then as the twigs for a nest for baby birds, continually deconstructed to serves as helpful or joyful elements in the lives of others. 

And then we get to the final two pages:

You’re here for a reason. If you think that you’re not, 

I would just say that perhaps you forgot—

A piece of the world that is precious and dear

Would surely be missing if you weren’t here

Thank goodness you’re here! Thank goodness times two!

I just can’t imagine a world without you.

This final statement is punctuated by an image of the world with puzzle pieces of all the little acts of kindness from the book. And then I started crying.  I doubt there are many of us in the military community whose lives have not been touched by suicide. The staggering statistic of over 30,000 service members who have died by suicide since 9/11 underscores the immense challenges faced by military families. And that statistic doesn’t even include our veterans from earlier wars. And for many of us, we just couldn’t imagine a world without our loved ones, our friends, in it.

Reading to my daughter this simple, rhyming tale shows her several important lessons:

1. That she is important to the world–she is her own unique puzzle piece and that the world’s prism of light would reflect less beautifully without her presence;
2. that small acts of kindness matter further than we can see
3. and that her mom loves her enough to prioritize and treasure time with her every single night.

Reading to my daughter reminds me several critical things as well: 

1. I matter. That my actions and attitudes in parenting, marriage, and work matter even if they seem small or go unnoticed.
2. That suicide robs the world of one person.
3. That this connection time is crucial in the wellbeing of my family, especially that night when all I wanted to do was “zone out…” this book reminded me to stay present to the beauty of caring for another person.

That’s a lot of work for a 30-page board book that’s less words than this article. Reading to our daughter every night has allowed me and my husband to access a crucial connection space both for our family, but also for our own hearts. Because children’s books hold little nuggets of magic and encouragement. They are designed to remind kids of the most important lessons in life: of kindness, respect, of the power of faith and hope,of how to be brave and to try and to live in community with others.

And isn’t that something we adults could use a little of as well?

Start or restart your family’s reading journey today. Choose a book (or three!) that resonates with you and your family’s values, and make time for shared storytime. Even the smallest moments of shared reading can make a world of difference. And don’t worry if you cry or need to journal out a lesson or two that you learned from a children’s book! 

It’s just a reminder that you, beautiful, complex human you, matter too and your children can’t imagine their world without you.