My final flight from Atlanta to Philadelphia was an emotional roller coaster. In just 72 hours, I would be going into my final divorce hearing.
I secretly prayed that no one would be seated next to me on the plane. I wanted to be with my emotions without disturbing anyone else. My flight was completely booked, I put on my headphones and cried myself to sleep.
The morning of my hearing, my stomach was in knots. I had no idea what to expect in a military divorce.
A veteran with over 21 years of service but a military spouse for less than three years.
Throughout the most stressful six-month period in my life, I learned some important lessons about military divorces.
1. Your soon to be ex-spouse is not the same person you married.
Let’s face it, we all change over time. For most of us, our wedding day is one of the happiest days of our lives. It doesn’t matter if you had a huge wedding or opted for a civil ceremony at the courthouse. You’re in love, everything is perfect, and you’re happy. In contrast, divorce can be extremely ugly and difficult. You’re mourning the death of a relationship. Two years or 20, it’s a drastic departure from the happier times in the relationship. Some couples are able to civilly work things out without involving attorneys, but the reality is DIVORCE is difficult.
2. Divorce can get expensive!
$350 per hour adds up pretty quickly and attorneys charge for everything. Every email, phone call, or correspondence sent on your behalf is a charge to your retainer account. If you and your spouse can agree on most things, you may be able to come to terms with little financial loss or stress. This is particularly true if the marriage is short, there are no children involved, or you have little to no assets to divide. The more stuff you have, the more you have to compromise on how to divide it up.
3. What state should the divorce be filed? That all depends.
Every state has different rules in regards to divorce proceedings. The state that has jurisdiction over the divorce may be beneficial or harmful to one or both parties. It’s important to research the laws of the state and consult with an attorney. Many attorneys offer a free or low-cost consultation, so don’t be afraid to pick up the phone and ask questions.
4. You’re not just divorcing your spouse, you’re also divorcing the military.
Once the divorce is finalized, you no longer qualify for many benefits or privileges. If living in on-post housing, you lose it within 30 days of the servicemember moving out. If you can’t agree on moving expenses and it’s not ordered in the divorce decree, you will be responsible for your own move. The military will only pay moving expenses if you’re returning from an overseas duty station.
5. 20/20/20 and 20/20/15 almost looks like a birthdate, but it’s an important milestone for spouses who have been married for 20 or more years.
The Uniformed Services Former Spouse Protection Act states that a former military spouse may receive certain benefits if they pass the three-rule test. For the most benefit, you must have been married for at least 20 years. The servicemember must have 20 years of creditable service towards retirement. Finally, the 20 years of marriage must overlap with at least 20 years of active duty service. If the 20 years of marriage only overlaps 15 years of active duty service, you may still qualify for some benefits under 20/20/15. In this instance, you may get Tricare for a limited period of time, but you may not receive PX, commissary, or base access.
6. The loss of medical coverage is effective the date of the finalized divorce.
It may take some time for everything to update in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS). Please don’t continue to seek medical treatment unless you have other coverage. Once DEERS is updated, Tricare will go back and retroactively disapprove any claims that were processed and paid. You will be responsible for the bill. You can opt to pay for temporary health coverage for 18-36 months through Continued Health Care Benefit Program (CHCBP). You have 60 days to purchase from the time you lose Tricare coverage.
7. Lean on your support system.
You will have days where you don’t feel like getting out of bed. Surround yourself with people who care about you. If you’re isolated from family and friends, try to connect with local resources and organizations that will help you throughout the process.
https://www.nclamp.gov/publications/take-1/uniformed-services-former-spouses-protection-act-usfspa/
https://tricare.mil/Plans/SpecialPrograms/CHCBP.aspx?sc_database=web
https://www.humanamilitary.com/beneficiary/benefit-guidance/special-programs/chcbp/