As my husband prepared to exit his 20-year career in active-duty service, I braced myself for the uncertainties and adjustments that lay ahead. Little did I know, the journey out of military life would be filled with unexpected challenges, frustrations, and moments of revelation. Reflecting on our experience, here are 10 things I wish I had known a decade ago:
1. Understanding Each Other’s Struggles
I wish I had realized sooner that my spouse’s military service was just as challenging for him as it was for me, albeit in different ways. Learning to empathize and validate each other’s experiences has been crucial for our relationship.
2. Feeling Disconnected
The transition out of military life left me feeling exhausted and disconnected from our community. I underestimated the emotional toll of leaving behind the support network we had built over the years.
3. Resentment Towards Career Advancement
As my husband approached retirement, I grappled with feelings of resentment towards his established career and opportunities for a second career. Addressing these feelings and finding ways to honor my own contributions was essential for healing.
4. Financial Planning
Planning for retirement should start long before the transition. We learned the hard way that waiting until the last minute to save and budget for our future only added to the stress and anxiety of the transition.
5. Importance of Healthcare
Neglecting routine healthcare appointments during the chaos of transition only compounded our stress. Prioritizing our health and well-being should have been a top priority from the start.
6. Identity Crisis
The transition brought about a profound identity crisis that I hadn’t anticipated. Finding ways to maintain a sense of self and seeking understanding and empathy from others became paramount.
7. Learning to Ask for Help
I wish I had learned earlier how to ask for the support and encouragement I needed during challenging times. Recognizing that it’s okay to ask for help has been a game-changer for our family.
8. Building a New Social Network
Establishing connections outside of the military community proved to be a daunting task. Exploring new interests and hobbies sooner could have helped bridge the gap and facilitate new friendships.
9. Navigating Career Advancement
Planning for personal career advancement amid the uncertainty of transition requires careful consideration and communication. We realized the importance of having these conversations long before retirement was on the horizon.
10. Embracing the Complexity
Transitioning from military to civilian life is far from easy. Embracing the complexity of the transition and allowing ourselves to feel our emotions has been essential for moving forward.
In hindsight, there are many things I wish I had known 10 years ago, but our experience has taught us valuable lessons about reconnection, communication, and adaptation. By embracing these lessons and prioritizing our well-being- personally, professionally, and relationally with our kids, we are confident in our ability to navigate the challenges of military transition and build a future we can be proud of. Here’s to the next ten years and all the things to come.