The girls have already been crying over the upcoming move. My daughter is eight years old, and her best friend is moving soon. They have lived across the street from each other for four years—half of my daughter’s life. Every day that it is sunny, the girls are outside playing together. Every day that it is raining, they are inside playing together. Neither one is prepared for the looming separation. Everyone is sad.
As military families, we know how to move, but it doesn’t get easier to uproot our lives every few years. The shift of friendships becoming long distance is difficult to navigate, and saying goodbye is always hard. As parents, here are some ways we can help our children during the PCS season.
Art from the Heart
My children are incredibly artistic, so when they are having a lot of big feelings, all sorts of art supplies are pulled out of the cabinet! My daughter and her friend have been creating heartfelt art pieces for each other, ensuring that new bedroom walls will be adorned with memories of their shared adventures. The closer we get to the moving date, the higher our art stacks grow.
Pen Power
Writing letters may be old school, but becoming pen pals can be an exciting evolution to long-distance friendships. What is more thrilling than opening up your mailbox to see a white envelope with your name scrawled on the front? Taking the time to write a letter to post is a lost art that can be appreciated by any age group.
Friend Dates
I am a sucker for friend dates. When I was a teenager, my best friend and I loved to go to Dave Barnes concerts (“concert” is a loose term here, because it was always really casual and the venue was always appropriately filled without being crowded). I vividly remember thinking it was the best time of my life: best friend, best music, best day. While my children are uninterested in any concert unless it’s Taylor Swift, they do love going on special trips with their friends. Before our neighbors move, the girls have grand plans of brunch, Claire’s, and maybe a park. There’s just something magical about sharing an experience with your best friend.
Regular Phone Calls
I call my grandmother every single day after school drop off. I don’t know exactly when it started, and I don’t know how we still have so much to talk about, but it is a constant in my life that allows me to feel close to home even though I am states away. For military kiddos, planned phone calls or FaceTime can make the distance feel not quite so unbearable.
Friendship Identifiers
Friendship necklaces and bracelets are hot items in our household. Knowing that you and your buddy are wearing jewelry that tells the world you are BEST FRIENDS 4EVA is a big deal over here, so we have several sets for each child to gift to their departing friend. However, if your child doesn’t want to don a neon choker with half a heart, getting matching keychains, stuffed animals, journals, or even basketballs for the duo can ease the sting of separation. At the end of the day, it isn’t the item that matters; it’s the reminder of their friendship that makes it special.
PCS season is hard but we can help our children as they wave their friends to new adventures. By recognizing and validating their unease, confusion, and sadness, we can hold space for their feelings while also encouraging long-lasting long-distance relationships that will be cherished across the miles and through the years. Because life is more fun with friends.
“May your life be long,Your friendships deep. May your heart be kind and true.” -Song For My Children, Dave Barnes