Moving during a pandemic is not for the weak. Moving every few years in general is hard, but moving with a family through a worldwide virus outbreak nearly brought me to my knees.
It began with the closing of school in March. That’s the last time anyone really felt normal. The last time my kids could hug their friends, see their teachers, play a soccer game, have a sleepover or have a decent goodbye party. I won’t share the crazy stressful details of my move, because frankly, it’s too much and anyone moving during a pandemic is stressed out – the details are in the fine print.
Once the boxes are unpacked (mostly) and the furniture in place (sort of), the next real challenge begins – connecting my family with my new community. But, I can’t quite get a grip on happiness yet. Between the stress of relocating to a new area and the endless isolation due to COVID-19, it feels like I’m flailing fish on the shore struggling to find my way back to the sea of normal.
I’ve always felt that I’m not truly settled until my kids feel settled. My children are watching me, waiting for me to figure it out. But in all honesty, none of my past strategies (and they are strategies) for connecting in a new community are working, safe or available during COVID-19 times. To complicate it, connecting is extra tricky with older kids. Playdates aren’t applicable and friendship matchmaking is the ultimate cringe worthy act a parent can do. Well, that and writing an article about it. Lucky for me, they are too cool to read what I write.
I need to be honest, our military families have weathered many storms, but this one seems different, almost cruel. It feels like a hurricane without wind. Quiet chaos. Disorientating. We are all struggling to navigate through this – whatever this is. We went from ending school alone to starting school alone. Our new school district has voted for the first nine weeks to be 100% virtual. I’m not sure where my tweens and teens will find their people without classrooms, school activities or teachers to help facilitate. No one has written the handbook on how to make friends in the era of social distancing, facemasks and contagion.
I recently reached out to a Facebook Group Seasons of My Military Student whose members are parents, teachers, and other invested adults of military connected kids for advice. I was relieved to be in good company, where many parents are struggling with their recent move and worried about their children’s continued isolation. I’ve compiled a list of the many suggested ideas for connecting kids in a new community. It’s not a complete list by any means, but it might help spark a new way to reach out. The common thread to this list is action as parents are the key to helping military kids find the opportunities they need to connect during a pandemic.
Social Distance Means Social Media:
Love it or hate it, social media is the safest and most convenient way to socialize. Using Facebook for community groups, pages and school information has been a lifeline for new families. Not to mention allowing your kids to stay connected with friends and make new ones. This is not the time to go on social media hiatus – but monitor your intake and the mental health of your kids.
Friendships can develop virtually if in-person is not an option. My teen son is on Discord and Twitch, which are social media chat servers for gamers. My daughter uses text, FaceTime and SnapChat to connect with new friends and friends from past locations. When the kids were younger, we still used online platforms to communicate with friends such as online sites like Animal Jam, Minecraft, Roblox and Facebook Messenger for kids.
JOIN everything
Online exercise class? Join it. Tennis lessons? Sign up. Parks and recreation Instagram account? Add it. Thinking about joining scouts? Do it. Community pool in the neighborhood? Join it. Two gazillion Facebook parent groups at school? Join them all.
If you want to find your people, you’ll need to cast a wide net online. I read a book last year about making lasting friendships. A small nugget of knowledge that stood out was, “It takes multiple touch points of one contact to develop close friendship.” This means you may need to interact with a person more than once to establish a friendship. Not always, but most often. This is true for kids -they need to be out, be seen, be connected for them to find their tribe at a new location.
Go Outside
As if we haven’t been outside enough these last few blistering hot months, but finding or participating in outdoor activities in small groups is a safest way to socialize. Do it NOW in your new location before winter hits. From offering a movie night for the neighborhood kids in your front yard on a projector to outdoor book clubs for teens – organize it outdoors. Re-imagine art clubs or theater clubs outside. Sleepovers in separate camping tents in the backyard. Consider organizing an impromptu kick ball game, obstacle courses for neighborhood kids or maybe a gardening club for littles.
Reach Out
Want to meet your neighbors? Deliver them a watermelon with your name on it and introduce your family. Not the only new family in the neighborhood? Bring a small gift to make them feel welcome. Want to meet the school staff? Send them a welcome back to school note introducing your family. Want to know if there are neighbors with kids the same age as yours? Ask the neighborhood or school Facebook page. Don’t wait for the opportunity to happen – during COVID it might never happen. In this time, parents create opportunities for their kids to thrive. Until there is a vaccine or rapid testing, being outside to socialize is the new normal.
School Counselors
Write a letter introducing yourself and family to their school counselor. Tell them about your student, their last school experience, friendship groups, activities and academics. Let the counselor know your child is isolated, in a new area without a social support system and interested in meeting new friends – especially if the school is virtual. Ask about new student sponsors or programs and to be connected with other new families. The school counselor has the inside track to classes, teachers, after school clubs and new students. Ask for help, especially if your student has special needs. A parent can not do this alone, not during a time of virtual school and face masks. Ask for help.
Faith Youth Groups
Churches, synagogues, temples and mosques have built in youth programs and might be the perfect substitute for in person school social activities. Being new to an area, finding your faith home might be the quickest and safest way for kids to meet others. Smaller groups, easier to social distance – faith groups can help bring the right balance of fellowship and friendship to your family – especially for teens.
Moving during a worldwide pandemic feels like navigating the future through a kaleidoscope. It’s fractured and unsettling. It’s not normal, nothing about back to school feels normal. Keeping military kids connected is a mental health issue for many. As parents we must reach out of our own comfort zones to help our kids find their new social support network – the new normal.