Let’s be honest, military marriages are no walk in the park. As military spouses we encounter trials, conflict, isolation, loneliness, and many other things that seem to constantly take aim at our marriages. One of the most persistent trials is the PCS season. For our family we move every two years now and each move teaches us something new. Here are five ways that my husband and I have found to help “PCS proof our marriage”.
- Keep communication open. A PCS is full of all kinds of conflicts and other things that pop up, don’t let miscommunication be one of them. Talk about everything, even if it seems small, it is better to have support from your spouse than for both of you to ignore your concerns and let the tension build. A move is stressful enough without the extra anger being added.
- Divide the To-Do List. For my husband and I, it seems to work best when he works on the things that require only him and I start to work on the household things that I can do. His out-processing checklist can be a bit extensive, especially since we have medical needs to consider. So, while he is doing that, I start lining up new doctors, making last appointments before we move, and gathering all our records.
- Save some of the tasks to do together. Ok, I know I just said to divide the to-do list but hear me out. If you save a few things to do together, you get to spend some extra time talking (or flirting if that’s your style *insert winking face here*). We are currently in the middle of our fifth PCS and our last week before the kids and I left, my husband and I let our kids stay with some of our friends while we went room by room and packed, sorted and organized. It was so nice to laugh, talk, get things off our chest, and still be making progress towards our move deadlines.
- Schedule time for one last dinner with friends. Everyone always wants to get together one last time before you leave, and if you don’t plan ahead, it can really add up and take too much time when you are trying to get boxes and suitcases packed. You could be proactive and plan a get-together, outside of your box filled house of course, for all your friends, so you can see everyone and say goodbye. As military spouses, it can be hard to make friends, but when we do, we fall hard. We make deep friendships quickly, which makes it so much harder to say goodbye. Give yourself, and your spouse, time to create that closure before you leave.
- Know your spouse’s stress signals and what they need for “survival”. Each of us have “warning signs” when we get stressed and there are things that we need to help us cope. My husband knows that when I start letting out deep, long sighs that I’m slowly losing it and trying to hold it together until the kids go to bed. Sometimes he comes home and can just see it written on my face and he sends me away and takes over so I can have a break. I can tell when he just wants to talk, and I need to stop what I’m doing so he can brain dump and talk about what is on his mind. It is so easy to get busy with the tasks and lists that we don’t take the time to check in with our spouse. Being intentional is so important and can make a PCS go so much better because we are supporting each other every step of the way.
PCSing is always a challenge but it doesn’t have to take a toll on your marriage. Be intentional with each other, work together and PCS hand in hand.