There are times when I view this active duty life style as an adventure. I have places to go, exciting things to explore, and a world of nothing but possibility and fresh opportunity. Other times, as I prepare for the friendly fire of deployment, I find myself viewing this life like a battle field.
We’ve all gotten “the call.” You know the one I mean. Your spouse calls in and you hear, “Hey, Honey, We need to talk when I get home. A deployment has dropped.” Well, I got “the call.”
Now, a million scenarios are running through my mind. I imagine myself sprinting through a several-month long emotional battle, dodging metaphorical explosions and bullet fire- with four kids and a dog. Not to mention the fact that we recently PCS’d and I’m not familiar with the landscape yet. I’m totally navigating blind.
Isn’t that what it feels like, waking up every morning to fresh attacks and frustrating situations without our partner? From barfing kids to the overwhelming sting of loneliness- every hardship feels like a “direct hit.”
When I anticipate the dark days of deployment, I have to prepare my heart for what awaits.
As a believer, God is centric in my life. My faith plays a fundamental and foundational role in this process of preparation. I have to lay down my desire to be in control of everything and come to terms with the fact that I can’t do it all. So, in response to laying down control, I have a sort of checklist (I know, I know… checklists are pretty controlling, but I’m getting better).
To prepare myself for deployment, I plan. Now, I’m a bit eccentric when it comes to planning. My close friends would call it “obsessive,” but that doesn’t sound as whimsical as “eccentric,” (so I’ll stick with that). I like to plan, and because I struggle with anxiety, I don’t like surprises.
The first thing I plan to do is to focus on my community and love them well.
My community consists of those local people that I can lean on, people that I could ask for help. I have a local church family that I know will be supportive during the throes of deployment. My neighbors also have shown up for me in the greatest ways. And, there are a number of women that have been my friends. These true friends have met needs, shared their hearts, and poured themselves out to care for our family. Without these people, managing daily life would be terribly hard.
Time for a small (but not so small) disclaimer: This community was not built in day. It was built with great intention, immense effort, and a great investment of time. We center our entire lives around building community because we know that, at the end of the day, community is the difference between life and death.
I focus on strengthening these relationships, caring for them, and communicating that I’m going to need them during this rough season. I show up and they show up. Then, we walk this life out together, instead of in isolation.
My next move is to plan for our time during deployment. I like to have a general idea of what the coming months will look like. Will we travel? What will I try to accomplish? What can I let go of? How will I keep up with everything that needs to get done? These are some of the questions that I ask myself.
I look at the calendar and plan out trips, goals, and deadlines. I fill up our time so that we can have things to look forward to and have an expectation of what we will do. I manage projects and the kid’s activities to fit within our available time and capacity.
During this upcoming deployment, I have books I want to read, books I want to write, and places I would like to go. I want to redeem this time and make it count. I long to thrive, not just survive, during deployments.
Lastly, the most important thing that I do is to plan to rest.
It may sound strange to plan to rest, but if I don’t plan in it, I’ll run myself into the ground. I make an “appointment” with myself to have some down time. I’ll read, write, or just veg out in front of the TV and watch one of my favorite shows.
I can’t afford to wear myself out. There are four tiny humans that count on me for everything. Not to mention, wearing out is no fun. Burn out is awful and I have to plan to protect myself from overworking, overthinking, and overdoing.
Resting is trusting that everything will be alright, knowing that I don’t have to be in control of everything. I can take time off. Not everything has to be done all the time. I don’t have to be perfect or place myself in a pressure-cooker of unrealistic expectations, and neither do you.
If you’re in this boat with me, rowing through the choppy tides of pre-deployment, I want to encourage you. We aren’t alone. We can do this. There are relationships to be built and people to love. This time can count for something more.
Megan Brown is a seasoned military spouse, military missionary, and homeschooling mother of four. She lives in middle Georgia with her husband, Keith, and their energetic kiddos. She is a Bible teacher, speaker, and freelance writer. To learn more or connect with Megan, visit www.meganbbrown.com