“Leaders who have heart will also have the hearts of those they lead.”
Michael Rogers
Your spouse anxiously awaits the release of the command/leadership position list. Will all the hard work, dedication, and time apart be worth it? Will it be rewarded with a coveted leadership position?
Great news – the list is released, and your spouse is on it! Through the excitement and celebration, our instincts as military spouses kick in and we begin to think of all the things we need to do before our upcoming permanent change of station. Except this time, it’s different. This time, there is one other area we start contemplating. What is our role as a senior military spouse? What, if anything, is expected of us?
To begin, let’s clear up a common misperception. As a military spouse, whether you assume a leadership role is entirely up to you. There is no outside pressure and your spouse will not be penalized if you choose not to participate. Long gone are the days where the efforts of the spouses were mentioned in their spouse’s evaluations/fitness reports (“great command team” or, spouse was “instrumental in creating a solid command team.”). Our role is vastly different than it was twenty or thirty years ago.
Today, over fifty percent of military spouse’s work, while others are pursuing educational opportunities and exploring their own interests. Military leaders actively advocate for military spouse’s employment rights and the easy transfer of professional licenses between states, so spouses may continue their careers without interruption. For example, in 2018, the Secretaries of the Army, Air Force and Navy sent letters to all state governors asking them to give reciprocity from state to state for military spouses for their licensing, so they may continue their careers uninterrupted. It’s a crucial retention issue, so it therefore benefits the military to assist with spouse’s employment rights and opportunities.
Bottom line, the role of the military spouse in today’s military service is whatever you make it. If you decide to actively participate, it must be for the right reasons. Don’t do it out of a sense of obligation. Don’t do it because you believe it is expected. Don’t do it just because you believe it will further your spouse’s career. If you choose to actively participate, do it because it is something you desire to do and can handle the time commitment. If you make the choice to participate, I recommend you sit down and think about your leadership style, how you can positively influence others, how you can use critical thinking skills to benefit the spouse groups, and the importance of communication and team building in developing an effective and cohesive group.
There is also a changing dynamic in the role of spousal groups today, including what people need and what they want from the group. You will face a diverse membership that includes active male spouses and spouses of same-sex marriages in larger numbers than ever before. What will you do to ensure all spouses feel welcome? What will you do to encourage participation from those spouses who are interested in participating but may be reluctant? These are all issues that you will face as a senior spouse leader that did not exist in the past.
This is part one of a four-part series of blogs that will address the contemporary role of spouses who choose to assume leadership roles while their spouses are in command or in a leadership position. Part two of this series will address leadership and influence. What is your leadership style? How will you lead a large group of spouses? Part three of the series will explore critical thinking and how you can use it to your advantage. Finally, part four of the series will look at effective communication and team building. Effective communication is vital, and team building will bring a group closer together for the greater good of the unit and community.
Kerry L. Erisman is a military spouse, Dad of two awesome teenage boys, Army retiree after 28 years of active duty service, attorney, and Associate Professor with American Military University. He writes and teaches on important military spouse issues including leadership, critical thinking, and education.