Call it a girl’s weekend. Or call it a guy’s weekend. You can even call it a mini-vacation. Any way you slice it, I’m not doing one again.
I totally agree that as a military spouse, we need some time away. Heck, any stay-at-home parent could use a break. But when it comes to getting away for more than a night, I can’t condone it. After you hear my argument, you may agree.
I always loved date night. This was a time when hubby and I could take a break from being “mom” and “dad” and simply be us. We might go out for dinner and a movie. We might just go somewhere and listen to music. What we did wasn’t as important as the fact that we did it.
Maybe it was a night out with friends. Dancing the night away was a great stress reliever. And since we were all married, the focus was on having fun.
But for years my spouse had been encouraging me to get away for a weekend with friends or for me to head to my family home earlier than the rest of the clan. I guess since I usually complained about his TDYs, he thought I could use a chance to go to a new locale. Each and every time I would emphatically say “no.” Don’t get me wrong, I desperately wanted that time to refocus myself, but I couldn’t pull the trigger.
Then the perfect storm of circumstances occurred. My 20th high school class reunion was coming up and it was over Thanksgiving weekend. My kids were in middle school and upper elementary school, which means they were busy but somewhat self-sufficient. At least they could stay home by themselves. And since it was a holiday weekend, the running around for the kids would be less.
I booked my tickets and started planning-my wardrobe and the kids’ schedules. I made checklists for myself and wrote out who had to be where and when. As the day approached, I felt confident that I could go. But somewhere in the back of my mind, there was a nagging sensation that I shouldn’t go. It’s not that I don’t think my spouse can handle taking care of his children; he is perfectly capable. But there was something that I worried about.
As I boarded the plane, I felt the stress begin to melt away. When I set foot in my home state, I was cold but happy.
Thanksgiving was perfect. I was surrounded by family and good food. I was looking forward to the reunion and meeting up with my best friend. After our meal, I called my hubby to wish him and the kids “Happy Thanksgiving.” I was expecting a recap of the meal they had with our friends back at Oklahoma, but instead I got a different tale.
Hubby was in command then and one of his Airmen was in the hospital. Thanksgiving was cancelled for him and the kids because he needed to be by her bedside. In the grand scheme of things, missing out on Thanksgiving isn’t life altering, but it touched upon the reason I didn’t want to go away: duty comes first. And it should.
The same thing happened the year before when we were on a family vacation. It was the first time I had convinced my spouse to go somewhere for spring break. He just started a different command and he didn’t feel that he could take the time, but he conceded to go away for a four-day weekend. We drove down to San Antonio and hit Sea World as well as the Alamo.
Two days into our vacation, he got a call from his DO (Director of Operations). He didn’t tell us what the call was about, but he was pacing. I asked if we needed to return home and he said “no.” The worry continued into the night with him tossing and turning. Finally, at 2am he said we needed to head back. So, I woke up the kids and we sped home. Apparently, we were attacking Libya.
I don’t fault my spouse for putting the Air Force before our family. That is part of the sacrifice we make. Usually, it doesn’t affect us since I can pick up the slack. But when you aren’t nearby, that’s your spouse’s responsibility. And that’s the fear, especially when they are in an operational job or command.
So those factors combine together and make it so that I won’t take another solo mini-vacation. At least not until my kids are driving or my spouse gets out of the military. Maybe then I will be able to let all my insecurities go because the only barrier to my happiness will be me.