I showed up to his 0300 departure in my absolute finest… makeup done, high heels, cute dress, and smelling of roses or something else equally feminine.
I sat in a crowded community center with tons of other women and children, the Marines popping in and out as they could to give hugs and kisses.
But, I kept looking around and I didn’t feel like I looked like any of them.
They looked tired and were wearing pajamas…I mean, who doesn’t wear heels at 3am? Across the room I spotted my person. She also was dressed to the 9s, make-up & hair done, every inch of her was prepped and she looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Well, my boyfriend was running in and out of the room like a banshee, just dropping in for a second, then gone for half an hour, then in for a minute to count something or call someone or mumble about something with Arther, or maybe it was armor… something I didn’t know. During one of these swoops, he looked directly at the other fancy girl in the room and said, “Oh, let me introduce you, this is our Family Readiness Assistant, Julie, she’ll be someone you can call if you need help.”
“Julie, this is my girlfriend Evie, Evie this is Julie… oh crap, I’ve got to go get Arther to handle a weapon… “
“Hi! I like your outfit!” “I like yours too.”
A sisterhood was born.
“Is this your first deployment?” “Yeah… you?” “This is my seventh.”
A mentorship was born.
I clung to the seat next to her for the next two hours while I kept my tears at bay and I stood strong, keeping it together. My boyfriend was a big tough Marine, I could do this whole thing.
The busses fill, the last few bodies come running up, and one is my man. He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek as he’s yelling at Gunny something about something and says, “I’ll text you when we get to the plane.” The big white busses that are seared in everyone’s memory hiss, the doors close, and the Marines wave as they depart.
And I stand, in my heels and make-up alone for the first time. Unaware of what really comes next…
Julie walks up and said, “The ride home is the worst, would you rather meet a few of us at iHop?” We stayed at iHop for no less than 4 hours, till the minutes wore into hours and the text came and went saying they made it to the plane and boarded it and everything was real.
The emotions were real, and I went through every one of them, and Julie never belittled them. She walked with me after work every day and we had playdates with our cats and we had sleepovers on the couch on hard days; we made it through together. I attribute my strength to Julie – she taught me a resiliency I didn’t know I had.
But here’s the interesting part.
They come home.
It’s everything you think, I again showed up in heels and a dress. I dyed my hair red because he said he liked red-heads. I was the healthiest I’d ever been, well, the skinniest, all that walking paid off…and I only ate soup and sandwiches because cooking for one sucks.
It was the same community center, 6 months later. There was a slight chill in the air, and we were told to be there at 4. Then we got a call they were going to be there at 3:30 and I rushed and didn’t get every last hair on my head perfect, then I got a text that they landed 2 hours away, then we were told they were on their way. I was told they were on the base. It was imminent. The excitement was palpable. They were headed to the Armory… that was the last step. The longest last step ever. TWO HOURS LATER… it was dark. I had ditched the heels, I was hungry, and tired, and cold… like freezing cold. My boyfriend came up in formation, all these handsome Marines marching in, “Attend Huh!” Oh, that majesty. Wait, which one is mine… that one… wait, no… there he is!! I ran, I hugged, I kissed. He had to spend the next hour sorting through gear and what piece of equipment was missing, and there was a key to this office in whose bag?
We went home. We cuddled, as worried as I was about the return to normalcy and intimacy and everything, it all worked out.
But in that instant, I forgot about my savior, my friend, my mentor Julie. Or maybe she forgot about me at the same moment. I reached out to get-together, but she had her husband and my boyfriend was home too… I don’t think we met up again at all at that duty station. It was tough to find free time that we didn’t want to spend with our men. And there was a rank issue where my boyfriend didn’t want to spend time with her husband for fear of something I was told was “fraternization.” Later I learned that my boyfriend was being overly cautious, but I didn’t know better at the time
At first I was hurt. I realized I missed my best friend. She and I defined each other during the deployment, we were a team, and we had each other’s back and she helped me grow into a better person. Our cats were best friends. Honestly, I was a bit mad too. How dare she abandon me, and maybe she wasn’t as great of a friend to begin with. I think the term I used was “fair-weather friend.” But really, wasn’t she my “foul-weather friend?” I mean, she helped me when things were rough, not when things were easy. And what is it to spit on everything she did for me just because we weren’t in that situation anymore.
There is always a rotation. Every group that comes back, another group goes out. At this return another gal I knew, her husband went out.
And this time it was my turn to be there for her.
Someone told me later there are friends for reasons, seasons, and for life. She was there for a reason, a really great one; she gave me the strength and fortitude to survive. She gave me the skills and the grace and the goals. The reason was complete, she did it, and I did it. I survived, I thrived really. I have a best friend from 7th grade, still my best friend, my best friend for life. And I have friends for duty stations, mom friends, and work friends, all for seasons of my life as I go through them. To me, that’s perfect. I need friends everywhere and for almost everything, so I am grateful for all my reason, season, and life-long friends.
