By Nicole M Anderson, USAF Wife
My husband, SSgt Anderson, and I did not realize the ups and downs that would be associated with infertility. The infertility rollercoaster has been emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. Infertilty is hard, putting strain on your marriage and relationships, and adding military life to the equation adds to the rough times. Even through the rough times I would not give up my dreams of being a mother and starting my family. My everyday life is impacted by the emotions of infertility. These are the times when I wish we lived closer to family for their added support.
I have explained infertility because I have endometriosis, but some suffer from unexplained infertility. Since being diagnosed with endometriosis I have had four laparoscopies. My husband and I have been going through fertility treatments for four years. Since he and I have started fertility treatments in 2015 I have had two of my four surgeries. In these four years I have had four different infertility specialists due to PSC orders. All the PSC moving caused us to start over again with new infertility specialists. This means new tests and months in-between treatments.
The first year we did treatments we became pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant I was at the appointment alone. I did not think I was pregnant because at the time I was bleeding for a couple weeks. I knew when the doctor told me I was pregnant somethings was wrong. At first the doctor told me I was having a miscarriage. Then the doctor noticed a pattern with my blood tests and did an ultrasound. The ultrasound confirmed I was not having a miscarriage but rather an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can be very dangerous. I was alone at this appointment because as many military spouses know we learn to do many tasks on our own. I had to call my husband at the squadron to tell him the pregnancy was ectopic and needed to be taken care of before it caused serious medical issues.
This is not something you want to tell your spouse over the phone. We had to make the decision right then whether to take methotrexate or not because me driving two hours home to talk could be too late. This was an emotional situation that I had to endure alone. Even though I knew this was the safest choice for my medical well-being it did not make the situation easier. The drive home was long and hard, because I was cried the entire way.
After the ectopic pregnancy was terminated by the methotrexate I was emotionally and physically drained. This took me a couple months to recover and keep moving forward with treatment again.
We just recently started intrauterine insemination (IUI). This process is emotionally and physically draining as well. This requires a few appointments before treatment to do blood tests, ultrasounds, and medication both oral and injections. The medications are hormones, so they cause mood swings and side effects which add to the already emotional situation. The blood tests and ultrasounds help to check hormones levels, stimulation of follicles, and ovulation. After the treatment the worst part is waiting two weeks to find out if pregnant or have to schedule for the next month to try again. Of course, the first IUI did not take. So, we are starting the IUI treatment plan again. The disappointment of IUI not working causes doubt and sadness. Every IUI costs money so every month requires the conversations of financially affording treatment and putting ourselves through the emotional ups and downs.
Another hard part about infertility and military life is so many military families have children. I always have military spouses ask me if we have children. Sometimes I hesitate to answer because we want children so badly. I could simply say no, but then you get the questions like do you want children? My answer changes based on how emotional I feel that day…
Infertility treatments can be expensive. Military insurance will cover diagnostic tests, laboratory tests, certain medications, and fertility specialists. They do not cover intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF). These treatments are expensive. The cost of fertility treatments can cause problems when you need to budget and save money to afford treatments.
I am sharing my story because the heartbreak we endure with infertility is hard to understand and an emotional subject to talk about. The infertility journey is filled with disappointments and loss. We go through failed months/treatments, ectopic, chemical, and miscarriage pregnancies. Always remember there is another military spouse in your situation. You’re not alone. Feel free to reach out to me to vent or have someone who understands who can relate and listen.